"Courage is being scared to death . . . and saddlin' up anyway." John Wayne
I'm not sure why it took me so long to come to this particular blog day. I've been toying with the idea of simply skipping it, and perhaps that's what caught my attention. Why was I avoiding this one? Because "Demagogue Days" was so political? Ranty? Leftist? I think we all know me better than that by now. So . . .
What's in my craw?
I found it over my third cup of coffee. Fear. Let's have a chat about saddlin' up, shall we?
I'm with Almond, all the way down to the last level of Dante's hell. Pissed and self-righteous with him, hurt and indignant with him, embarrassed and vindicated with him. It came as quite a jolt that Canto XXX left the two of us (yes, the two of us) in the dust, so to speak, and horribly grieved at the real fallout. When do my rants, valid or not, take me away from my intended heroism? How many times have I been right, had a warrant (and boy, did we cover that one), filed my exquisitely crafted injunctions with the proper authorities and found myself, smoking gun in hand, so far from my cause?
Just to be clear, I'll provide disparate examples of such shenanigans:
1. Professor X warns me that I am too emotional about my essay subject. Obviously, Prof X is an Anal, Archaic, Sexless Fart who is part of the great conspiracy to rip the passion out of my writing. Final essay firmly refuses to examine AASF's alternate take on said well-loved subject (damn skippy!) and lands in a slap of dust and glory on AASF's desk. Take that. Flash forward to my first B.
2. With doctorate firmly in hand, and under sudden and decidedly unwarranted attack from an uptight academe, I (and my little warrant) saddle up and ride into Town. After all, others like myself need defending. Freedom of speech and religion and all that. I think I was feeling a little less John Wayne and a bit more Clint Eastwood, circa High Plains Drifter. (Of course, I completed forgot that Clint was dead, nothing more than a vengeful ghost with a bone to pick.) The rest was all pathos-driven-Facebook-diatribing, cost be damned. My mother isn't quite over it yet.
Let's now look at the fallout, shall we?
1. I publish the B paper in a well-respected academic journal. Accolades all around, self-satisfied grunts, and AASF will still not speak to me in the halls. Word.
2. I read the end of Almond's essay and drop my gun. Shit. Tyler. I had completely forgotten about Tyler. But there he stands, hair in his eyes, that stray bullet all on me. My student. Well, damn.
You know, sometimes "my bad" doesn't quite cut it.
I guess what I'm saying/asking/posing is something a bit like this: How far can our warrants take us? Or, how far are we willing to go? Personally, I don't think we can count the cost when saddling up, mostly because I think it might be too late. I've asked a lot of you, stuff like honesty and passion, and so I hope it's not too late or too much to ask one more thing: foresight. Temperance. Just in those places where we have forgotten a little thing like ethos and we are galloping so fast toward our target that the townfolk get a bit blurry. I think Steve Almond, and I, are a bit trigger happy. Maybe it's worse to be slow on the draw? Either way, when it comes to our writing (and maybe the rest), qualitative balance couldn't hurt.
One last thing. For any of my students: I really hope the shooting match isn't over. You were the point, all along.
This post led me to consider yet another aspect of warrants. My finding? A warrant is like a driver’s license. So you’ve got a warrant – great. You now have permission to get behind the wheel and travel the world – the possibilities are endless.
ReplyDeleteBut – and this is a rather big but:
As you exercise your new freedom, you must still abide by the speed limits, caution signs, traffic lights, and stop signs – your travels are still subject to the rules of the road. In the same sense, a warrant does give you a lot of freedom, and it definitely gives you the opportunity to travel into a lot of new subject areas. But, a warrant does not eliminate the need for caution and discernment in your writing. In fact, warrants can give you the chance to enter regions where you might have to get out of the car and slowly make your way across a rickety rope bridge. There is excitement in this, but there is also great responsibility and little room for error.
Something that comes to mind when discussing the danger of exploiting warrants is the importance of knowing your audience when you write. Part of this is anticipating your unintended (though maybe, subconsciously, just as intended) audience. For example, if you write a letter bashing a respected public figure and send it to a media source (sound familiar), you should probably anticipate that some serious ramifications are going to follow. Now, if your convictions are so strong on a particular subject that you are willing to face the consequences of your words, fine. That is a decision that you can make after serious thought and consideration, but only after such deliberation.
By all means, stand up for your values and defend what is most important to you. But, this does not warrant (punny) the compromising of other, equally important, values.
To me, this is a classic example of think before you speak.
I leave you with one of my favorite verses:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But harsh words stir up anger.”
-Proverbs 15
The writing exercise we did in class today relates to Dr. P’s question of how far are we willing to go with our warrants? This exercise allowed me to be accessible to my emotions of a past event of my life. This week, I went to an acting workshop at the theatre, and we talked about the importance of being accessibility to the moment and your scene partner. It is so easy to simply say I am sad, but definitely takes a lot more work and courage to show being sad. The first method of writing is easy, but the second method is harder. Sometimes we are L A Z Y. Pushing our warrants makes our writing more enriching. I think many of us college students have been guilty of just turning in a piece of writing and not taking the time to really push our writing to another level. Reasons why we don’t always push our writing to the next level are:
ReplyDelete1). Procrastination. Which is one of the vices of many college students.
2.) Sometimes we will simply settle for a “B” instead of doing the extra work for “A.”
To play devil’s advocate sometimes we can push the warrants in our writing too far. In the Almond essay, he ranted about leaving his job because of Condelezza Rice. While he did make some interesting points, Almond’s passion undermined him some. We realize Almond’s realization of his brash letter for his resignation when meeting Tyler. Tyler was a student who would have been teaching if he did not resign. Tyler had dreams to be a successful writing ,perhaps, just like Almond. But Tyler will have to take another professor. I thought it was interesting how Dr. P considered us “Tylers”.
Tyler (n): a student who has a thirst for knowledge and seeks knowledge. (There is definitely more to the definition, but I can’t think of the rest. Perhaps others can add on to or adapt my definition).
We definitely need a balance of writing. Something that is passionate and showcasing our warrants but not overdone. You don’t want too much seasoning on your food or it takes away from the flavor.
When asked to push my writing to another level I am almost ALWAYS slow to pull the trigger. I'm quick to grab the gun (so to speak) and a million thoughts will run through my mind but I am cautious to put any of the words on paper or anywhere other than in the back of my mind.
ReplyDeleteThere is always something telling me to stay calculated and poised when it comes to writing, and I know that is not the way to be, but I'm always afraid of reading something I wrote and being like "WTF I'm a freak".
And as Zeke said, and I completely agree, settling for the B instead of pushing for the A is something I'll find myself doing more than I should, especially if it's a topic I am less than interested in. If a paper is due the next day and it's basically finished and I can go out to the bar almost 100 percent of the time I'll pick the B and the BAR over the A and my laptop.
But then on another note, if it is a piece I'm excited about writing, I want it to be the best it can be. I want it to be shocking and humorous and exciting all wrapped together and I want everyone that reads it to be as excited as I am. But this is where my cautious little voice in my head says WATCH WHAT YOUR WRITE LAUREN…I don't want to take it too far and I don't want to leave anything out. So, I guess the million dollar question truly is "Where's the happy-medium?"
In considering this post, I asked myself "what would make you overreach your warrants?" or as Dr. P put it: "trigger happy"? What would make a person feel above and beyond what they are "licensed" to feel? Relating to what Kristin said, why do we disregard the rules of the road and race to the end without considering the mean? My conclusion: Vanity. If my hazy memory serves me right, even Almond alluded to the touch of vanity that all writers inevitably have. But when does a smidgen of vanity turn into full blown self-righteous unwarranted ranting? Almond brilliantly blurs the line between the two. I constantly find myself either wanting to cheer him on or toss him in the trash because he's just so into himself. But therein lies the crux of the problem: the entire book is about him: his rants, exploits, and obsessions (not that you asked). And we didn't. His vanity is his warrant. It lies at the heart of all of our warrants. Whenever you're writing something, you have to have a tiny spot in your head that says "this is good" or else you wouldn't write it. And that tiny spot grows... and grows. Then you realize that not only are you good, you're damn good. You're so good you don't need the rules of the road as Kristin put it. And the next thing you know, you're so far on the other side you can't go back (which may explain the feelings of remorse after we pull the trigger). Dr. P mentioned temperance, meaning restraint in action, thought, and feeling (thanks Wikipedia) which is pretty much the opposite of vanity. Which is a lot of excessive thought and feeling about yourself. And you've gotta have it if you care to ever "saddle up" and see just how far your warrants can take you.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think warrants are responsible for taking us anywhere. Like Kristin said, you kind of have to come to terms with yourself about what you are writing about. Even people who feel they have a warrant wouldn’t have the guts to write something as abrasive as Almond does. A warrant doesn’t give people the courage to write something – it just gives them the extra “oomph” to start writing. I’ve always been told to write what I know, which is where warrants come in to play. But as far as partaking in a shooting match, you need to have this immense sense of self esteem. And at the same time maybe no feeling at all. This narcissistic view would normally be considered awful, but where else do you get the power to shoot? Like Morgan said, this sense of vanity is key. We mentioned this today, but I believe that a person who is more abrasive and really couldn’t care less if they hurt someone else’s feelings or pissed someone off are more inclined to go that extra mile. They have no problem pulling the trigger. It’s only when someone is left bleeding on the sidewalk do they realize that maybe something went too far.
ReplyDeleteThere is the question of finding the middle ground between being completely uncaring versus being way too caring. When the writer cares too much and thinks too much about what they are saying, everything is too safe. But at the same time – writing whatever without a care can be just as damaging. So on one hand your audience is out for your blood because of the sheer boredom they gained from a “too safe” essay and on the other hand they’re out for your blood because you pissed them off.
Is it better to be slower on the uptake and try to think of your audience? It’s hard to say. I would say yes, but at the same time it’s harder to pull the trigger when you think about it. Acting on instinct is much easier, but is the cleanup worth it?
AND...
ReplyDeleteI love what MeredithSzabo said: where do we get the power to shoot? I think a lot of this power does come from our warrants - not directly, but rather from our knowledge of our own warrants (often, taking the form of arrogance).
I also love what she said about weighing the catharsis of acting on instinct with the cleanup - so true! Is making yourself feel better a sufficient reason for ruffling feathers and stepping on toes? I think not.
Growing up in a family who loves John Wayne movies, I found his quote to be quite fitting to my life. There are so many aspects of life and writing that scare me. But I get on my high horse and do it anyway. As far as my writing goes, no I’m not the best writer. Do I try? Heck, yes I try. I try my hardest. I believe we have a warrant to write about what we want, but we do have boundaries. Sometimes we have to be careful to whom we are writing. Those warrants to write have different guidelines for certain classes and certain writing prompts. Most of the time, I will let a paper prompt roll around in my head for a few days—I’m usually scared to start the paper, but I saddle up like John Wayne and begin my journey. Yeah, that journey has its gun fights in the streets. And sometimes it even gets shot down. But I come back fighting and ride off into the sunset.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kristin that this is an example of thinking before you speak. You need to think through what is about to come out of your mouth in order to not misuse your warrant. You also need to think before you write. However, there are times, like Dr. P said, that you need to write s*** in order to get started, and then come clean it up later. So, even if you saddle up and don’t have anything worth saying, say it anyways.
In the fall, I related this blog to John Mayer's some "No Such Thing." I think his lyrics do explain the whole damn shooting match for any part of life. The song talks about plotting you life out, like most ( I dare to say all) of us do. We have this plan for this career, this lifestyle, this type of reputation and so on. I don't know about other people, but when my plan doesn't work out the way I want it to ( which happens most of the time) I throw my hands up in the air and say "Fine. You win. I'll change my plan." But the question is where do you draw the line and fight back?
ReplyDeleteThe most recent and important fight I have had over someone trying to change my plan has been this past year with a particular professor. English Ed majors, you know who I'm talking about... She told me I was never going to be a good teacher. I should probably change my major (for the 6th time). But I knew she was wrong- mostly because she is a sorry excuse for an educator and her opinion of what a good teacher is makes me fearful for the education system.
Nonetheless, she told me I couldn't do it. And I got scared. Really scared. I thought I had found my "thing." I cried and cried and wanted to give up so many times- to stop fighting back because I never could never see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I finally found that light. After a whole mess of headaches, constant worrying,and overly "killing her with kindness" I got back on my plan and passed both of her classes.
My point is..this passion I had to prove I was going to be a good teacher, is something I want to apply to my writing. But I just can't. It's hard though when we are breaking down and critiquing literary works or writing about cyber bullying in schools. Most professors (with the exception of Dr. P) like to color my papers red from all the "mistakes" I make when I use passion in my writing. And we all hate THE red marks. But am I working on it? Definitely. And that's all I can ask of myself.
In class Dr. P was telling us about her dissertation ordeal and I began to wonder. I know that I have always been one that tries to satisfy my reader with my writing. I never push the boundaries or try anything new, the aspect alone of trying new approaches at writing make me fearful of getting a failing grade, so I opt to avoid it all together. When Dr. P told us we had freedom to write whatever and not to worry about grades or criticisms it was like weight had been lifted off my chest. I found myself writing what I wanted to write about and not what others wanted to hear. By allowing us this freedom, I feel that Dr. P is giving us an opportunity to express warrants in our writing that we had been cautious to express before in our writing. However, there are lines that needn't be crossed. I feel that it is our responsibility as writers to be sensitive to our readers in a sense. As we talked about in class, how stray bullets from our personal shooting matches hit unintended bystanders and in the end we're left trying to mend relationships with people who weren't initially involved in our rant. I believe that Lauren right, we should always be cautious about what we write...especially when we get carried away.
ReplyDeleteCatherine: I am totally thinking about that same teacher when I write this.
ReplyDeleteHi. I am the definition of a trigger happy, balls-to-the-wall, goin' in guns blazin’ crazy ass. The very second I feel like someone is doing me an injustice, I am banging on their office door demanding an explanation or a remedy. Let’s be real…how dare they think that they can get away with treating me like that? My biggest vice? An overwhelming sense of entitlement.
So here I am at every given opportunity going to office hours, sending stern, yet polite, emails to this professor and the department head, and complaining to just about anyone who will listen. In the end I received ego-boosting compliments (probably just given to shut me up) as well as a passing grade (still not as high as I deserved…but don’t get me started).
At first I felt extremely pleased with what I had done. I stood up for what I believed was fair and just. But where did it leave me? Well…I had made an enemy out of someone who, despite what I wanted to admit, truly knew me, as a writer, a person, and a potential educator. I thought about the discussions that I had with her prior to the drama. I discussed my philosophies, my goals and dreams. She told me she would write me any recommendation that I needed. I am guessing that she doesn’t feel the same now.
Looking back on it, I wonder if I would have done things a little differently. Part of me thinks that I probably should have. The other part knows that I was myself 100%, and that at the time I did what I thought I had to.
Regret has never been an emotion I care to dwell on. Maybe that's where Steve Almond wins and I don't...
It’s 6:00pm on a Thursday afternoon, and I’m standing in the huddle with my teammates, my coach in the middle giving his daily end-of-practice-let’s-beat-the-pants-off-those-girls-Friday speech. We say the Lord’s Prayer aloud as we always do and put our hands together for our ritual “1-2-3 Panthers!” But before we can get the words out, the coach says, “Rachel, you can run 20 laps afterwards.” [Now let’s all remember that this is high school, and despite much less responsibility, it was also a much less calm time for most of us. Saying that, I wasn’t just your usual, less than calm senior - I was sitting on half-cocked……..always. So naturally, this lit a fire beneath my gun powder.] “For what?,” I say, hands trembling, heart thumping. “You know what, now get to running.” Seriously? That’s his explanation for singling me out in front of the entire team for some offense I supposedly committed and have no recollection of? O hell no. “I’m not running without you explaining to me what I did,” I say. “Fine, you’re off the team.” I can’t believe it. I’m dumfounded. I’m so mad I could choke him right there in front of the entire team, then stomp his face in, laugh, and gladly take whatever punishment that glorious act permits. But instead, I do the one thing that I know will hurt him most. I take off my jersey, throw it down onto that hard wood I’ve played on since the third grade, and yell, “I quit.” Bang! Gunpowder ignited. Bullets blazing. Victory mine. Take that you racist SOB. He truly was a racist, but that’s neither here nor there. I got him.
ReplyDeleteAfter several parent-principal-vice principal-coach- me meetings, I’m informed that my “offense” was attempting to punch my own teammate. Your guess to how he concocted this idea is as good as mine to this day. His explanation was that when an argument had ensued between me and an opposing team member the previous night, he sent in a freshman girl to take my place while I cooled down. All true. But his next claim was absolutely ludicrous. He claimed that I attempted to punch my own teammate to keep her from breaking up the argument I was in. Now why in God’s name would I do that? Luckily, not for my reinstatement to the team but for my reputation, my Dad had filmed the entire game. The tape clearly showed that I was attempting to tag hands with her (like teammates do when they sub out) but our hands missed each other. I know - what a crappy explanation. The tape clearly showed that I did no such thing, and had you known me better than you do, you would know that I would never do that despite my half-cockedness. Long story short, everyone believed me, but no one would override his decision as head coach. I never got my position back, and the team went on to win the area championship without their starting forward. Not many things have been more emotionally confusing than watching my friends win that game without me. I went home and cried in my bed for the remainder of that evening.
True Story.
Looking back now, I realize how quick I was to make a life-altering decision in the name of pride. I know that I could have handled it differently. I could have ran the 20 laps in spite of my innocence, explained myself to the coach, agreed to disagree, and won that area championship (the only one we ever took home) with my friends and teammates. But I didn’t. I aimed that .45 and fired directly at the enemy, and I was proud of myself. That is, until I saw the hurt on my teammates’ faces, and the anger in my parents’ eyes. They caught the shrapnel.
The sad part is, if I could back, I’m sure I’d do it exactly the same way I did then. My pride is just too strong to let that coach “win.” Even though, in reality, I’m probably the one that lost. You know, shootouts never do end with a victory lap. Because no one really wins.
Aly - I can completely relate your story. (Read mine, and you'll see.) I know how it feels to be torn between pride and protecting others' feelings or thoughts of you. But let's face it. If we could go back, we'd do it again.
ReplyDeleteow far does a warrant allow you to go? I think that it all depends on your mood. Let’s say I am having a really bad day. Nothing seems to be going my way and I am pissed. At this point, I feel like I need to do some yelling to make myself feel better. Now, I may not actually yell (because this is usually out of character for me) but I may yell about them in some other form… say Facebook for example. All of my inhibititions seem to be thrown to the wind when I am angry and writing. Say something mean to someone’s face… never. Write something mean about someone, perhaps. Writing is also where I turn to express emotions and feelings that I feel incapable of saying out loud. If I have something hard to say I am much more likely to write in an email or text than to actually have to guts to say something for real (cowardly, I know).
ReplyDeleteSo, let’s say that I have had a good day. Even if I have something really good to write about, I am probably not going to be as feisty about it as if I were having a bad day.. no matter what my warrants are. I also agree with Zeke’s point about procrastination. Sometimes when I write, I know that what I am writing could be better, if I only took the time to make it better. But instead, I feel like I have to get my writing done in a hurry so that I can move on to my next task. Perhaps I am feeling lazy… or perhaps I am feeling lethargic or perhaps I actually have something better to do. But probably not.
So, you see… I believe your warrants will allow you to push your writing only as far as your mood will allow you to go. Therefore, I believe bad days can be better than good days, for your writing anyway.
In the past year since I have been at Auburn, I like to think that I have opened up quite a bit in regards to my writing. This past fall was my first semester at Auburn. I had no idea what to expect out of the people, and definitely did not know what to expect out of the University. One of the classes I took in my first semester here was a rhetoric and composition class. A couple of weeks into the class I remember thinking, “My God, what have I gotten myself into!” I had not done much writing in the past and now I was expected to write at least one paper a week (most of the time more than that). My teacher kept telling us to write about personal experiences, and try to make us meditate on events that had impacted our lives. This was a complete shock to me. In the past, I had written literature essays in order to receive a grade. I had never really thought about the all the possibilities when it came to making my writing my own. In the beginning, I found myself extremely stressed out. I did not want to free write; I wanted a rubric of exactly what I needed to do to get an “A.” It was only toward the end of the semester that I began to realize the impact that my personal writing could make on myself, and possibly others. Although I thought the class might kill me in the beginning, I learned a valuable lesson. If I do not push myself in my writing then who will? I now realize the importance of personal writing, as well as pushing yourself in any type of writing.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with Zeke about the fact that many college students today are too busy thinking of everything else but their writing. Oftentimes we sell ourselves short when we do not take the time to give our writing that extra push. Instead we put less effort into it and settle for a “B.” Why? I think all too often we forget about the effect writing, especially our own writing, can have on our lives. Reading the writing of others helps us to become better writers by studying the styles and techniques of others, but we cannot look over the effect our own writing can have on us. Writing our own stories down on paper is a good way for us to look back over some of times in our lives that made us who we are today. It is because of the impact that our writing can have on ourselves, as well as others, that we should push ourselves into becoming better writers each and every time we write.
Morgan Birdsong-
ReplyDeleteI remember you talking about how Almond is so into himself in our reading group. lol.
I’ve thought a lot about warrants since I previously said that you had to have some kind of knowledge or experience before you could have a “warrant” to speak or write about something. And I’ve thought about audience and, more importantly, why we write. I cant say there’s a real explanation for any of this and I’m not going to fake it and pretend I know all the answers, but I think I’ve come up with a conclusion that might only satisfy myself, and I’m ok with that.
ReplyDeleteWe don’t need warrants, and we don’t need to explain ourselves to anyone.
After reading the “raunchy culture” article, I felt nothing. I got nothing out of it, and I was left with questions as to why the hell this girl thought anyone cared. Regardless of the fact that no one in the class particularly enjoyed it, this girl felt passionately about something and she decided to share it with others. We all tore her published article/book (that I’m sure she is exhaustingly proud of) to the ground in a matter of minutes, and yeah she might not have considered her audience correctly or made a clear argument or purpose, but she wrote from something she felt, an emotion. She wrote from an experience she had, and she wrote because maybe that’s the only way she knew to deal with the situation. We are all part relatively the same “culture” or group of people, a bunch of kids in school that really enjoy literature and other nerdy English things, so maybe we shouldn’t have been so hard on her. I’m not saying this to excuse her awful and pointless writing as acceptable to be published. I’m saying this 1) because we are all part of the same kind of audience in a sense and maybe she did have an intended audience—it just wasn’t any of us 2) Many of us consider ourselves writers and hope that our voice is heard someday, too.
Hold on, there is a point…
We gave “raunchy culture” an overall C, but what does that really mean anyway? Dr. PD got a B on something she published and obviously thought was worthy of higher (or she wouldn’t still bring it up this far down the road), but here’s the deal. Everyone can’t write every piece of writing and expect that every person that reads it is going to like it. Otherwise everyone would have the same viewpoints, say the same things, the world would be miserably dissatisfying, and reading would be redundant. What matters is the passion, the emotion, and the intention. Our warrants don’t have to take us somewhere. Our hearts do, and more often than not this is the case. Our hearts and minds are what guide us through life, and the driving force for what puts the pen to the paper or the finger pads to the keys, which for us, is important. I shouldn’t have to prove to anyone that I have a reason to write this. I should be able to write it and share it because I felt something enough to put it on paper. Wherever that takes me in life is up to my audience, but I’m willing to go as far as I need to get where I want to go, warrant in hand or not.
How far am I willing to go in writing? I'd say pretty far. I'm one of those students who tend to put my emotions into EVERY and I mean EVERY piece of writing I embark on. I try hard not to limit myself to what I think other readers might want to see.
ReplyDeleteIn my first two years of college(the start of the English major journey), I felt like I needed to sound academic, precise, and pretty much please the person who was grading my work. Not uncommon right? Well, after taking a creative writing course, I've learned that emotions are still favored in any type of writing. I want to go as far as I can possibly go with a good piece of writing and in order to do that I must put every ounce of soul I have into that block lettered beauty. When it's all said and done, you have a masterpiece to marvel at.
“I know that I have always been one that tries to satisfy my reader with my writing. I never push the boundaries or try anything new, the aspect alone of trying new approaches at writing make me fearful of getting a failing grade, so I opt to avoid it all together.”- Tyler
ReplyDeleteWell said, I yesterday I was pondering how terrible my college entrance/ scholarship essays were. They showed no life and no stride and no anything. They were on the same level as every other essay I’d ever written; they were built to please the reader. Unfortunately, that seems to churn out utter crap. I don’t know what the high-school form of me was thinking as he tried to pass them off as being original.
Now that we’re in college and can see some of our foolishness, I agree with Zeke and Kristen that it’s a bit depressing we find ourselves distracted from writing. I think I had somewhat intended to spend the summer concentrated on perfecting some of the finer points of putting words together to form sentences and yet I instead find myself lazing away the days with friends as they visit. I guess I feel like I have dreams that I’m allowing to be consumed by ulterior motives because I’m not putting the right amount of time in on a consistent enough basis. Last summer mini-mester, in Intro to Creative, I felt like I was finally getting the ball rolling about some things. Plug and chug and finish five or four pages, the reward being a little bit of my pride had returned. First term freshman year in English Comp course was the last time much was asked of me with full essays composed weekly on the spot. But that writing harkened back to my entrance/scholarship words in that I was writing the standard {1- Introduction 2,3,4-Body 5-Conclusion} and it was terrible.
As far as following up my warrants is concerned, I’m sure it’s been noted that I’m far from an in the face individual. I’m not so much a John Wayne in McClintock shoot the bad-guy through the gal’s belly kinda guy. I’m still trying to determine what sort of gun it is I’m holding for my beliefs. Maybe I’m a conscientious objector but strapped like Duke Nukem.
Pouring emotion into writing, as Abby was talking about, is fairly difficult for me. I prefer to distance myself; when possible, by taking another step back. The exercise in class was fun, I think if we were trying to separate ourselves from emotions in writing it would be similarly beneficial to step from our perspective and into another when running over a sequence of events. For example, I tried to write about my dog’s big sleep. What if, to separate myself from it, I wrote initially from the perspective of the metal counter as we brought my black lab in coaxed her up- Or maybe from the perspective of the poster with all the breeds of dogs linked by a tree. I would then be forced to write from the outside looking in; it might free us up in our cross-examinations of self. It’s hard stuff trying to wrap your head around every nook and cranny of action while deleting memories of feeling, but if we recreate from an area which is not prone to have feelings get we may get a new and more accurate view to work into the piece as a whole.
I like Clint Eastwood a lot. Fistful of Dollars.
I totally agree that sometimes we go through life too fast and leave everyone else in the dust sometimes. I remember towards the end of my senior year in high school starting to realize how fast my life was going. I just wished I had more time before I graduated and started college. I wanted it all to slow down. But as Americans we have always been taught to go full speed ahead because of how competitive we are and those that aren't get left behind. It has even got to the point where we tend to forget about the emotion and importance of other people and things around us because we are totally caught up in ourselves. When I took my first freshman English writing course I was a little worried about making a good first impression for my teacher. I didn't know how far my warrants would take me or even if my professor would agree or like my style. But what I have learned after three and a half years of college is that it really doesn't matter how much you impress others with your writing or how much you try to impress others by being fake and putting on a show. What matters is impressing yourself and enjoying the process. I don't want to look back on my college life and say that I was just there to please others and get good grades. I want to tell people that I discovered myself in new ways and became a better writer because of the freedom my professors allowed me in my papers. And most of all, I want to remember the people that got me to that point along the way.
ReplyDeleteAlmond’s essay and this conversation has reminded me of one of my own shooting matches. I coached a summer league dive team for six years, and my “boss,” the dive team for the last two years had an incredibly adept skill of driving me crazy. Here is this woman (a parent volunteer…a parent volunteer who forced her daughter to be on the dive team) barking orders at me and telling me how to do my job. I had been diving since 2003. And, for a year and a half at least, was on the AUBURN dive team. I must note that I was not nearly as good at diving as the Auburn swimmer label may imply. But I’d like to believe that my diving expertise is superior to a woman with absolutely no diving, or acrobatic, experience whatsoever. This was one of the few cases in which I felt confidently confident. This was my warrant, a warrant that only a handful of people in town were as intimate with. I don’t claim such confidence often, so these words do not come lightly. And this woman was a gossip - had a habit of warping the lines of communication between the team parents and myself. She was basically a pain in my ass, and I was hell-bent on being taken seriously. In sheer spite of the age discrimination I was convinced to be the source of my oppression. And what happened as a result of my frustrations? I’d get pissy - almost all of the time - and then get snappy with my divers. I’d get so exasperated that I lost all desire to exert my energy on the dive team. This went on for a while until, at my wit’s end and ready to walk out on my job, I finally snapped and let my thoughts be known in a phone call after practice on day. Relative to Steve Almond’s experience, my “rant” was relatively docile, but it was a big deal for me. This outburst of mine actually ended up drastically improving our workplace relationship, but that is not what I want to focus on. In retrospect I see what all of the days, hot pissed-off hours, I spent in my stubborn and selfish quest for acknowledgement actually were: abandoned opportunity to work with these awesome kids in one of the most life-influencing activities I’ve taken part in. Coaching the dive team for this brief little season had once elicited inexplicable joy, and I let my own petty conflict interrupt this for almost half of a season. I needed to take classes this summer, so I couldn’t go back home to coach. All summer I’ve cast wistful looks behind me and so badly longed for a do-over.
ReplyDeleteZeal for a subject beautiful when it allows one to share the richness with others. But our discussion reminds me of the painful truth that is obscenely easy to digress from a purposeful objective into a cat-and-mouse cycle of conflict that often only leads to universal frustration. And the tragically inevitable casualties of all the “Tyler’s” around us.
I come from a long line of loud mouths who also have a tendency to fly off the handle and/or overreact. So do I understand that words can write a check our ass can't cash? Yes I do. Warrants can make us fee entitled because we can speak from our own perspective, seeing as how it's free speech and all. I think it's human for emotion to overflow and spew from our mouths. The problem is when our emotions, normally very strong emotion like hate, get in the way of others and ourselves. The times that I've been so mad that I knew if I didn't speak my mind I would rip though myself- those times are only followed by reason or caution, unfortunately. The things that should have never be said live inside of me and knowing that scares the hell out of me. It's so easy to sing the song of caution and reason, but it always goes out of tune when the nasty arrives.
ReplyDeleteMost of these regrettable moments occur quickly and verbally. The only time I have written something intentionally spiteful because I believed I was in the right- 7th grade and it was about a boy. The hate note that I wrote to a girl I believed was flirting with my “boyfriend” was read aloud in class by a teacher who did so with all notes passed in class. I was humiliated – by a teacher and twenty plus students that weren't even in the same room. My “boyfriend” was a kind, shy boy, so no one looked down upon him for my actions. It was less of a shooting match and more of a backfire, all over my face.
I did have a recent experience on Facebook with someone else's warrant about the Case Anthony trial. I was invited to the group: Boycott Anything Casey Anthony Does to Get Publicity. These good hearted people merely wanted to express their feelings about how Casey Anthony doesn't deserve any attention....all I did was point this out. It's equally unpleasant when someone feels they have to defend their warrants to you. So be cautious
This is a war we can't win.
ReplyDeleteAfter ten thousand years, it's still us against them.
And my heroes have always died at the end,
so who's going to account for these sins?-"Four Score and Seven"
And now that I'm older, I look back and say
"What the fuck was it for anyway?"
Those dreams are lying in the still of the grave
What the fuck were they for anyway?
So let it be on a stretcher if I get carried away
What the fuck was it for anyway?--"Theme from 'Cheers'"
Titus Andronicus
I really liked the driver's license analogy. It makes total sense with this topic. It's like we have the knowledge about what we are writing about, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are going to write about it well or get everything right. We are often times very careless and just want to get it done. Like Zeke pointed out, there are many reasons we do not really write. Yea we all know the drill with research papers and essays, and can almost spit them out without thinking about what we are actually saying. It has become second nature to us as students. At the same time, it is as if we are only hurting ourselves by not truly focusing on our writing and making sure we are pushing ourselves to grow. It's a shame, but I think for me at least, it's more a lack of time to really put effort into my writing. I feel like I could be much better if I had the time, but in college we are lucky to have time just to get it done in the first place, much less revise several times. I like to think that I am careful with my writing, but at the same time I know that I go in guns blazing, like Aly said, without really thinking it through. I guess that's my perrogative, but I know it would be better if I thought a little bit first. I used to do outlines before writing, but now it is more of a waste of time or a procrastination
ReplyDeletemethod. I guess I have a few things to work on.
"I think it's human for emotion to overflow and spew from our mouths" -@BrittanyMaclain
ReplyDeleteWow. Perfect. Story of my life. Its absolutely not something I'm proud of, but I constantly find myself in this "shooting match." Its rare for me to find the filter, especially when it comes to arguments with my parents. I took the spring 2011 semester off, much to their dismay but I needed a little "me" time to figure out what the F I am going to do with my life and a degree in English. So much for graduation. They automatically took to the conclusion I was addicted to drugs because a boy I involved myself with briefly early in the semester left town for a drug problem. My attitude "problem" got worse and contributed to the thought I was a junkie as well...
..Anyway, point is... I feel like even though its good to speak your mind and do and say how you feel, sometimes you have to cater it differently to your audiences... I suppose my yelling and cursing and "attitude" (I use parentheses because I didn't (don't) think I had/have one) contributed adversely.. its good to have that *PAUSE* before the shooting match turns into a bloodbath ..which is really quite easy
I’ve got the ask the question:
ReplyDeleteWhat about the people who don’t have Almond’s ability or balls to stand up and start firing off his rants? What about those of us who are content not to rock the boat?
Does that make us less heroic, less warranted, less… well just less? I think there are those of us who are so gun shy at this point that we refuse to get in that saddle anymore. College does that to you. You arrive, all idealistic about finally getting a chance to speak your mind, and that first time you dare to disagree with a professor you learn the tough lesson that most professors don’t want to hear your opinion, they just want to you spout back out what they teach you.
That’s why classes like this both scare the living crap out of me while being as exhilarating as possible. That horse is once again standing in front of me, saddled and ready for me to mount, the gun cleaned and loaded… but can we find the courage to get our asses back in the saddle after living on the ground of self-survival for so long?
I love Catherine statement on the some professors’ love of coloring papers red (side note: I will never use red ink to grade a paper. Blue, purple, green, but NEVER red). I envy people like y’all, Catherine and Aly, you often have the gut to do what I’m often too careful and cautious to attempt. But is it REALLY such a bad thing to think before you shoot?
We talked about pauses and many people discussed using those pauses to think through a decision before acting. Here is a perfect chance to do just that. If you ever find that hand wrapped around the grip of your gun, finger starting to squeeze that trigger… just pause. Write that rant all you want, but, before you press that send button, think long and hard before you put actions into motion that you might regret later.
In High Plains Drifter, Mordecai asks, “What about after we do it? What do we do then?”
And The Stranger, played by Clint Eastwood, answers, “Then you live with it.”
So be prepared to live with it.
When over-reaching your warrants, it certainly helps to be a great liar. Obviously. You can shoot from the hip and have some sorry sucker believing every single solitary word you say. If I told you that I was pretty high when I wrote that last sentence, would that be over-reaching my warrants. What if it was true? Am I entitled to talk about something like that? And whats with the hatred for red ink? That seems prejudiced towards native americans. Is that racist? Probably. Was I warranted in saying it because I hail from the great state of Alabama, probably not. Being "trigger happy" can be a good thing too. Not just a racist thing. Its a great way to let people know what you really think. Ive heard that people in the music industry say that a band's first two albums are almost always their best. Because at that point they arent really concerned with what other people think of their silly music, instead, they're making the kind of music, and saying the kind of stuff that is important to them. Does Brett Michaels really want me to talk dirty to him or is he over reaching his warrants? Ill chose to believe both. So in this regard I suppose me and Pam Anderson are pretty similar. Other people, Im sure, will chose to believe the exact opposite. However, the point remains that warrants are a tricky thing to figure out when talking about writing.
ReplyDeleteI think we can and should over step our warrants. Whose to say we can't balls up and write with confidence about things that make people uncomfortable? (And this isn't to say this is what we should aim for). I think we should push ourselves outside of our comfort zones as writers or else we run the risk of being redundant. Don't be afraid of the spice you can always take the sting out with bread. But don't force it. Don't fake it either. Maybe we should write about something that pumps us up(like Almond) or at least for a practice. Write about something that, as Peter Griffin would say, "Grinds your gears." Like for me I could rant all day about things like music scenes, movies, and dumb people. I guess we shouldn't be afraid about what others think about what we choose to write about. If we are thinking about our audience too much we will break down from nervous exhaustion. Basically, focus on the craft at hand and let the critics write the reviews. And don't bother reading them. We shouldn't be writing for them.
ReplyDeleteDISCLAIMER: This was written some time ago on paper and I am now just typing it____ so again, sorry Doc..
ReplyDeleteACTUAL BLOG POST---
Doctor P, O Captain, MY CAPTAIN!
First and foremost thank you for sending me to google in order to ,refamiliarize myself/define "foresight","temperance", and "ethos".
I am "Bullshitter", which, as i now know, thanks to you, is one word. On my good days I would like to consider myself and eloquent bullshitter. That being said, here I believe you may have just stumped me. Correction, you just made me take my level of eloquent bullshit to the next level.
I DIGRESS, Back to the matter at hand. You posed two questions.
1. How far can our warrants take us?
2. How far are we willing to go?
I admit, as I write this, I am, for about the fifth or sixth time staring at a half empty glass whose content shall remain privy. That, I suppose, may be what is my "warrant" for the response I post. A response that I fear may come across as a bit crass. I can assure you though, it is not.
I am going to spin this one on you Doctor P, I apologize.
I believe that how far we are willing to go, in regards to how honest we are with our readers, is the one and only limit to how far our warrants can take us.
Again I say as my battle cry, it is our job ,NAY, it is our sole duty to present ourseleves to our readers with the courage of a nude male model afflicted by rampant, incurable shrinkage.
(if you don't know what shrinkage is ask one of your friends who watches Seinfeld).
Stray bullets. Pedestrian casualties. Thats what I think of when we read Almond's work. He went on and on like a self righteous man until the very end when truth and reality smacked him in the face. Class discussion was about moments in time when we remember pulling an Almond and creating unncessary waves. This is going to sound strange but all I can think of are those movies about the ghetto where the violence is too much and innocent kids that are just trying to make it get shot up instead. Follow my twisted thoughts here: think of the fast pass that lets you cut lines and gives you access to things other people don't have. As you fly past everyone you are enjoying yourselves, laughing in the face of all those around you that are stuck in line and moving slowly. You giggle at all the haters that complain about you moving forward. This is our warrant. We are given permission to extend our speech and thinking beyond what it is now and to shoot down everyone in our way. Until we go so far that we shoot down the wrong person. We jump too many lines and make someone cry. So I guess flying by the seat of our pants and whizzing past everyone with no regard to them, there's bound to be a few problems with friendly fire. So with Yoda like wisdom I simply say this concerning our fast pass through life... use it wisely, my son.
ReplyDelete