Pauses: I don’t like pauses. Sometimes I refuse to take them. Like right now, I am sitting here watching Lost on Netflix and trying to type this. I am not willing to give up one or the other. I refuse to pause. I feel like I must cram as much as possible into my life. No time for pauses. No time for thinking. I just gotta do. I always say that I am a dooer and not a thinker. That I hate taking too long to think about something. To think about the consequences and what could happen. I just like to get things done. To check things off my to-do list. But, right there on the other hand. Sometimes I take too many pauses. Sometimes I lay in bed all day and watch t.v.. I take a really long pause, if you will. I don’t figure there is anything wrong with these pauses. Maybe there is. Maybe I am wasting my precious time here on earth by taking these too long pauses. Guess I will never know. Guess it really doesn’t matter. I intend to continue these pauses cause a lot of really good stuff happens in them. Now, about those little pauses. The ones that seem so insignificant. I think some of them are important and some of them aren’t. Some of them are useful. Some of them I use to collect my thoughts. To breathe. Some of them I use to take in the good moments. A few seconds to to let the thoughts register. To realize how great what I am experiencing is. But that works the other way too. Some of the pauses I use to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To realize exactly how bad things are.
Audience: Ferrell made a really good point in her original blog. Writing for an audience is scary. Not scary because I might make a bad grade, but scary because people might reject me. If someone doesn’t like what I write, it is a personal dig at me. It hurts. Even when I don’t put my best into my writing, I still take it personally when someone doesn’t like it, because it means those someones don’t like me. It’s not like having a conversation where the person I am talking to doesn’t agree with me. In this case, I can take it back, can make it better, can change my words real quick and defend myself. But writing is different. I have had time to think about it. Time to choose my words carefully in order to paint the picture that I want to paint. I can’t take those words back as easily. So, it’s scary. No one likes to be rejected. Rejection hurts and I can’t deal with it.
Audience That thing I want nothing to do with, yet, that very same thing which I crave. Audience is my Krokodil. I’m that Russian junkie shooting up morphine’s nasty cousin; well aware of how it will eat my flesh. My skin rots. My muscle is exposed. Bare bone isn’t long behind. Audience is a wild and crazy thing to this kid; it pulls me out of my shell or forces me even deeper inside. All depends on the time. The place. But most importantly what’s on my mind. Audiences horrify me, validate me, undress me, and swaddle me like baby Jesus come fresh into the world. That’s how the term started, that’s how it ended. I’m a little more comfortable with the concept of being observed and read and seen and heard, but I’m not quite ready to wield the power of the watching eyes. Pause This term, nah, this whole past year has been a big ole’ pause for me. I have accomplished almost 0% of what I set out to do with this time in my life. This pause world has been interesting, entertaining, informative, and eye-opening though. I likely needed it, a big break from living. A long time thinking. The great big think is what I’ll regard this juncture as. I did place first in my own mental Olympics. The problem with that was- I was the only competitor and the only person in the audience.
Pauses: Have you ever been around a child lately and when they want to stop something suddenly they cry out "Pause" or "time out" as if life could be played as a video game, or a game in general. It's a strange thought that life could just pause, as if you could take a moment out of the linearity of time to fix or get away from what is overwhelming you at the time. It is a nice idea, but no such pause button exist in life. Maybe this is where the technological age is heading, where you can hide behind a screen and almost pause time, just by leaving the screen. Life isn't experienced in real time anymore, more of an idea of time that can always be adjusted to your liking. You don't have to have a real conversation anymore, you can type it out and control exactly what you say to people and how you want to sound. Your personality is not experienced in the real world, by your faults and everything, but by how you want to present yourself to the world, such as a facebook page. ANd a fb page can act as a sort of penultimate pause in this day, where you are constantly shown in the stasis of personality perfection, stuck in an image of your own creating, but which also represents very little of what you actually are, merely what you want to be seen as. It is a weird dream world, where people are well-rounded and not messy as they should be. A constant pause button on your life, where you decide when and where more is added, or even deleted for that matter.
Audience: I've been watching my friend try his hand at stand-up comedy lately. HE is a very funny person, and I think his schtick is good. But either way most times I've seen him in front of a crowd he has been recieved very poorly, along with other begining comedians. The audience is either too drunk and loud to pay proper attention to what he's saying, or they just don't seem to understand what he is trying to present to them. I always get it, which may be because I'm his friend, but I like to think it is more than that. I like to think that the audience just doesn't get it and they'd rather someone louder and quicker were onstage, that could hold such a drunk atmosphere's attention. But should he change his act and personality just because these people don't get it? Would another audience react better? How do you rectify an audience not digging what you're doing and what you personally want to invest in whatever artistic form you have chosen? How much is comercial value held over truth in the end? I suppose it really is just a personal thing.
My initial response to this post portrayed a pause as a wall between me and everything else, holding off the bad so I could at least hope for the good.
Goodness...a little pessimistic, Kristin.
But I’ve discovered a new kind of pause. I’ve adopted what I’ll call the reality-check pause.
Reality-Check Pause (n.) – A moment of evaluation in which the writer examines a completed sentence, paragraph, or essay and asks his or her self whether or not he or she has actually said anything real, honest, true, or worth reading.
This pause has done so much for my writing. I don’t just write to fill space anymore – I don’t even just write to say what I want to say. No, my focus has changed. My purpose isn’t the transfer of words, of ideas. My purpose is to take something (idea, memory, value) that truly means something to me, and to convey it in such a way that it truly means something to someone else.
It’s not easy. But it’s worth pausing for.
Audience:
“Be yourself, write what you feel. Write what you think, write who you are and I believe your writing will find it's appropriate audience.” I like this quote from C. Daniel McFadden. That’s where I’m trying to get to I guess.
“An ending is just a way to check out without leaving loose ends. But, who says ends can’t be loose?” That was my take on pretty little bows at the beginning of the semester.
I don’t know.
I guess I still feel this way, because as a writer I don’t think you can rely on your ending. I think it’s all the stuff that gets you there that’s the most honest and true. I’ve found that the ending tends to be where I get showy – I want it to be just right, leave just the right mark, sound just philosophical enough. But, who needs showiness? I’m so tired of reading mine. This class has been a breath of fresh air – I feel so purified of all my flowery-for-the-sake-of-being-flowery language. An ending is just an ending.
I guess the older I get the more sentimental I get. I find myself pausing to look at my old yearbooks. Wow I wonder what happen to him? SHM. He hasn't changed a bit still jiving lol....oh...I wish I would of talked to her. She seemed like a nice girl. By looking at the old yearbooks I take a brief pause to remember the good, the bad, and the shonuff ugly of high school. But its also interesting to think how I have changed. A lot has changed since 2007. Back then I was obssed with, getting a girlfriend and trying to get good grades were two of my main focus. Getting good grades is still a major focus but the girlfriend thing can't wait for now. I want to enjoy being single and all that it has to offer.
I guess I scared of the commitment. I know I don't want children right now. By pausing to look at the preivous blogs, I agree that pauses give us time to soak up the moment or add emphasis, or say something without actually saying it....but pauses also show our appreciation of something or someone For example, by pausing your giving something your attention. I think about pausing to say "good morning" or "I love you" to someone I care by. I could of kept on going my way and doing what I had to do. (eating, sleeping, heading to class, etc.) But by pausing to vocalize the "good morning or "I love you." I showed my appreciation for that random guy on the concourse or my mom and dad.
Pauses can help us stay grounded in the hetic pace of the world. I feel like we have microwave syndrome where we want things instantly and it is hard for us to have the patience to wait. Pauses do that. They make us wait.
and wait.
and wait.
for something profound, interesting, awkward, anbd something to appreciated.
Pauses Pauses I see how my first blog about pauses was my first attempt to please my audience (the class) and to make pauses sound like some miraculously overlooked part of daily life that are rainbows and sunsets. Not that I don’t still think that, but saying it the way that I did doesn’t seem as real as some of my other writing from these last few weeks. I really liked the connection Daniel made to the pause before a car crash, the moment your heart and stomach are in your throat before the collision. A less violent or harmful (cliché perhaps?) comparison might be the feeling at the top of a rollercoaster. The main difference being that the fear you feel at the top of the roller coaster is still a safe one because you’re strapped in tightly and there is no on-coming rollercoaster smashing into you at warp speed. Car crashes have the pause only when you know it’s coming (I’m quite familiar having been in five). Anticipation. And knowing the tear of a seatbelt and the sound of thrashing metal makes the wait all that much longer. The anticipated pauses are the ones to watch out for, which I guess we already do. Audiences Writers should always have their audience in mind and I think good writers recognize their audience. And these writers, like Almond, should also know when to through grammatical and mechanical courtesy out the window in order to bridge gaps between new audiences and skeptics. I don’t feel like Almond held me at arm’s length with his writing. He let me in. Writing academically, professors want us to dig deep with analysis and reach for a new boring idea. But I often only have a spoon to dig with so I am left inches below the surface. This class expected more out of me as a writer not only for myself, but for my audience. I have to write for them too because someone out there may see the spoon marks in the dirt and say ‘hey, I was there too.’
I don’t think I ever really understood the value of a well-placed pause. In a previous writing class, one of my professor’s most common criticisms about my poetry was that I should be more mindful of my line breaks. So I’d revise. While revising, most of the time I would just play around with the line breaks, but it was always hit or miss. I didn’t REALLY know what I was doing, or what she meant. But now I think I have a much better grasp on why it is line breaks are so important: the pause. In writing, forcing the reader to pause at a certain place is one of the most direct forms of communication between writer/reader. You force the words to linger, to hold onto time. And while the reader can make what he/she wants to make of your writing, you can force the reader to pause - pause and ponder your words at your own discretion.
AUDIENCE
Probably one of the biggest point-of-view changes for me since the class began. I think that the most important thing to consider while writing is yourself. Being honest with yourself. There probably will be times that you must write for a specific audience, so a few word-choice adjustments may be necessary, but the content should always represent you. I always thought it best to write for an audience (which makes me nervous and results in shit writing). But REAL writing can’t be made for an audience, rather, I want to write from my own honest perspective. And in being honest, hopefully what I write will find its appropriate audience.
I might pause for second to let an audience feel what I am saying. They most important writing technique (if it is possible to rank them) that I have learned in this class is writing without emotion. I used to think spelling out emotion was the only way to convey to the reader the shit that has happened to me. But then, wait. Take a pause--not the case. Work against that idea. One of the most moving portions of Almond's book is when he finds out his child might be special. The way he writes what the nurse implies sent chills down my back. He gave me the power to have my own emotions. Without pausing, I felt with my own instincts. And it felt real. It felt heavy. I won't forget it. No pauses, just feeling.
I am still finding myself reaching for that Blackberry and hoping that's its going to be him. But even in these 5 short weeks, I find myself caring less and less if he wants to talk to me or not. He's a little flaky for my taste anyway...as I say that I hear the ever too familiar zzzzz zzzzz and of course, it's him. Boys always want what they can't have, don't they? But instead of taking that pause to wonder about what witty thing I am going to say in response to him, I chose to put my phone back down. I don't care to talk right now, so I'm not going to. Let him wonder what I'm doing or what I'm thinking... Wow, I am really growing up and learning to play the game.
This game of waiting that I am playing with my special someone is a tool I am slowly learning to implement into my writing. Make my audience wonder what my response will be. Have them question what is going to happen next and wrap them up in the story. The traditional cat and mouse game put into writing... is it even possible?
Then I think about this 2nd paper we just wrote. The letter to ourselves... Well, obviously I was the audience to this particular piece of writing. But when I was writing it, I had no plan of attack, I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And the mystery of where I was going to go next started to appear. I know for a fact, that if my 18 year old self had read that letter, I would have been flipping the pages faster than the first time I read Harry Potter. And to all the Potter fans, you know how nail biting the first read can be.
To wrap up this mombo jumbo, I realize that taking the pause to let my audience question what my reaction will be or leave my special someone wondering, is all part of the process. But even more, it's a part of me, and that part of me is now being let loose into my passion, my writing.
I remember writing this first blog. It was late, and I was tired and frustrated after a long night of work. I didn't pause, really. Not like I should have.
I should have given myself half a second to consider the frequently stamped down idea that I actually had something buried deep down there to say. I should have paused and considered that for the first time in my 21 years that I had THE perfect audience. This "motley crew" of english people, whose interests and concerns are perfectly on par with those I harbor. I can say I care, and I enjoy writing without getting snubbed by the biomedical science majors, looked down upon by the business majors, and scoffed at by the engineers. That I don't have to dumb down my vocabulary in an effort to come off as unpretentious and I can let the wit and swearing fly without facing adverse judgement of someone who STILL doesn't understand the difference between their, there, and they're. (I know it pisses you off too- and if it doesn't it should). I've finally paused and realized I should have never considered that audience in my writing to begin with- screw you, math majors- I never needed you anyway.
We are a unique little group, and we've got to stick together or we're never going to make it in this turbulent ocean of society. We're constantly getting the smack down: "what are you going to do with THAT major?"- well, lady, I don't know yet. But it's going to be cool.
So I pause, and appreciate this moment (or rather, lets go with "opportunity" here) where recognition of my audience becomes recognition of myself. And hey, I'm A.O.K. with that. Your audience becomes a forum for acceptance, rejection, and all the "eh" areas in-between. So write blindly, write to push, or write something velvety, but write for yourself above all.
PAUSE I’ll always think before I talk, which is what I consider to be the greatest pause of all. Whether it’s to make sure the joke I’m about to say is hilarious or to make sure I’m not going to say anything about the Chinese when there is an Asian standing beside me…pauses make or break you. We all naturally think before we write, which is the main reason why it’s so hard for some of us to start a paper. We have gotten so use to pausing before writing that the dreaded writer’s block is imminent. The question is the time for a pause and when is it better to just start writing about crap? I’ve personally stopped pausing before writing, because I end up staring at the computer screen, drooling. When otherwise, I just write without thinking and something as brilliant as this comment pops out! Dr. P always tells us to “write crap” and it’s something that I’ve always heard and lived by. It’s so much easier to make something great out of crap, but when you have nothing on the page you’re lost in the white space.
AUDIENCE I’ve also stopped giving a crap about my audience…sorry I don’t know if this was the point of the class, but instead of being so concerned about everything I’ve just decided to do what I want and let people think what they will. There are billions of people in the world and I’m sure one of them would like what I write. It just is too hard to think about everything: audience, pauses, warrants, sarcasm, wit, hilarity, emotion…when does it end? I guess this goes along with what my first comment said about no one can know who will be interested in their work, but that’s why I think it’s important to leave the audience to think what they will. It’s kind of counterproductive in over-thinking about your audience and what they would want. You inevitably end up losing yourself in exchange for the audience’s approval in all they really wanted was to hear your voice anyways. That’s what they liked about you.
Something Brittany M said hit home with me. She talked about how pauses can be mistaken for a lack of words or knowledge (I'm paraphrasing). It reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. He was always talking about intellect, and how smart he was, etc. He was a psych major... need I say more? He analyzed everything to the point of being obnoxious. I say all of that to lead into my point about pauses... you see, he would always have these "intelligent" conversations with people, and if someone paused he would assume that they were at a loss for words, or that they realized they were wrong. He thought this about me too.... he made me feel like I wasn't smart just because I couldn't come back with something he deemed intelligent on command. It was frustrating to say the least. Though these pauses get a negative connotation from instances similar to this one, I actually think they are good. You should pause before you speak. Collect your thoughts first, then what you say is clearer, and probably smarter. Pauses are good for a lot of other things besides conversations too.... like that pause before you kiss someone, you know the moment you look at each other and decide to kiss... priceless. It's that moment where you can make a decision, collect yourself, fall in love, anything. Pauses can and are many things... many good things.
Audiences I've always been told that audience is crucial when writing anything. I don't believe that anymore. I think that whatever you write is intended for someone, whether you specify who it is or not. You can write for you. I recently learned that I can use writing to get things out that I couldn't tell people in person. Sometimes you just have to write for you. And sometimes that's the best writing... the kind you do for yourself.
Why? Because in that moment in between so much is unknown. The pause between hearing your phone ring and looking down at the caller ID is possibly the most unnerving. Like Catherine, my heart also jumps into my throat when I hear that “zzzz zzzz” of an incoming text message. Is it him? Part of me wants it to be…the other part really, really doesn’t.
I am an instant gratification type girl. I hate lingering in the unknown. Even the moment in between songs when my ipod is on shuffle irritates me. What’s next? I always want to know. I think it is because I get comfortable in moment and I can become comfortable in the next moment. The transitions are where I wig out. I guess the hardest part about change is the changing.
I am going to confess……………………………………………………………..I didn’t blog on this one the first time around.
Look. I used a pause. I bet you thought it was going to be some deep dark secret revealed. Sucker.
Pauses seem to me as a break, a relatively small amount of time that you set aside for the reader to insert their own emotion. Personally throughout this course I’ve learned that pauses are something that force us to take a breath that make us realize the relevance of certain situations.
Today I experienced a very special pause… one that made me realize how lucky I truly was. I took my wife to get an ultrasound performed on her this afternoon; we had been nervous all day wondering if the pregnancy would be another blighted ovum (an empty sack). When the doctor ran the paddle across her belly there was nothing…. Not even a sack on the monitor. The doctor’s face was furled in confusion, where the hell was it?? So she tried another type of ultrasound… One that was more intrusive… Still no bubble… no baby.
Then slowly a bubble forms on the grainy black and white screen.
I see my wife’s face begin to glow as it becomes apparent that a heart is beating within the bubble. The bubble houses a tiny bean with flippers… I call it my dolphin baby. This is what pauses are supposed to be, empty spaces of time filled with anxiousness or some other overwhelming emotion or feeling.
After re-visiting my blog as well as several others, I now realize that pauses are great, yet messy. Rachel made valid points on how pauses are often brought about in moments of chaos. Should I choose the red skirt or the strapless blue dress? Do I choose healthy green beans or cheesy, fattening macaroni. We pause in these situations to try and make sense of it all.
I also realized there's another type of pause. Ya know the one, it's that awkward silence when there should be chatter. What the hell is up with that? You fill that void by laughing out loud in a chorus of people after realizing that no one truly knows what they are laughing about. Totally awkward. Why do we do this? Is it some weird, subconscious act that all humans encounter in nervous moments? All i know is it's real and it happens to me almost five times a day................................ See what'd I tell ya :)
I firmly believe we have a love/hate relationship. Pauses, you little devils. Lurking around, just waiting for someone to use you. Oh well, keeps you busy.
The day after I posted this blog, I thought of a certain pause I should have mentioned and didn't. It's played (or currently is playing) a rather large role in my life. So may my final blog here be dedicated to it. Or rather, her.
I came to Auburn knowing a few people and one group of family here, but no close friends. As most of you know, changes like that are almost the scariest aspect of life, and I was looking to find some comfort so far away from the home I longed to get away from but secretly and desperately missed. And there she was. No angel. No saint. No touchy-feely hugger who held me when I missed my momma (not literally anyway.) And no outspoken, inspirationally riveting advice giver. Just a friend of a friend. A curly-headed, green-eyed girl from a farm town back home known for their tomatoes. Not much money. And not much luck. But so much heart it would burst open through her shirt and spew down the side walk sharing itself with everyone within spraying distance. If only she’d let it. I never was lucky or deserving enough to get sprayed, but she did let me glimpse the enormity of that pulsating thing that keeps her blood flowing and her body living. And I’m forever blessed.
What do pauses have to do with her? She is one. She’s awkward, often quiet, shy, tender-hearted, and sometimes naïve. There always were and probably always will be a million and one pauses in our conversations per day. And although we are both awkward in our ways of introverted-ness, what may seem like a throat-wrenching, word-searching, wishing I could run from here pause, is completely normal to us. In the silence, I understand her and she understands me. We have ridden many two and a half hour drives home together without saying much, but saying it all. I know her heart, and she mine. And when a pause finds itself between us, we’re merely reflecting on what that heart wishes it could say and doesn’t. It lets the pause say it instead.
Many are the words that pause spoken. Sentiments like:
“I’m sorry your Dad is ruining your life. I know how you feel.”
“I’m sorry you and your boyfriend of three years broke up today. I’ll stand by you when it hurts so badly you wanna rip that beautiful heart out.”
“I feel real bad your granddaddy died, and I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. But I’ll be right here.”
“I know no one gets you, and I understand that.”
“It’s okay to cry with me. I won’t tell.”
“I love you, even though I don’t like to say it out loud.”
And those pauses have given more comfort than I ever could have hoped for two hundred miles from home. She was my momma’s arms when hers wouldn’t reach. And I never realized just how much I treasured our relationship until reading that in this blog of my own. She’s my best friend. And the most beautiful pause I’ve ever known.
As I was reading the posts, Grafft’s post caught my attention. He said, “Pauses represent those brief moments when our mind needs a break.” So true. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to spit out all of my thoughts at once that it doesn’t come out correctly. And many times it doesn’t make sense. So, I need to pause and let my brain rest. It needs to take a breather just like I do after walking up three flights of stairs in Haley center (I’m not in as good of shape as I was two years ago before arriving at Auburn). Pausing helps me to collect my thoughts and analyze what I need to say. Always pause and think before you speak…which is something I’m still working on. (I’ve gotten much better, though ).
Audiences are everywhere, whether we realize it or not. I am the audience or I am watching other people. I like to be the one watching others because I tend to like to stay out of the limelight. It’s more enjoyable for me to observe others, especially at a bar because I’m usually not the one drunk off my ass in public. Have you ever noticed those people who go to the beach and just sit on the balcony? You are their audience floundering around in the ocean…getting pummeled by waves...trying to get sand out of your swimsuit. When I was in P.C. last month, I noticed these people, and sometimes I was one of these people. They made for an amusing show while I took a break from being the viewed to being the viewer in order to eat lunch on the balcony.
AlyFonk you had me laughing out loud. I, too, skirted our responsibilities (I'm sure there was something important going on at the time...) Anyway, pauses always remind me of Saved By The Bell. Zack Morris. What a hottie. But he always paused the conversation to talk to the audience. It is in these pauses that we "saw" his personality and his reality come out in the show. He was trying to get us on his side and to make us identify with him. Pausing in writing can be like that. we bring something up, pause the subject, go on to something else, bring it back up, etc. only to make people understand our side. In life, pauses can be excruciating or deeply needed. There is no inbetween. In ridiculously long pauses I find the jeapordy theme playing in my head... doo do doo do doo do doo do doo do do do doooo do do do do do. We need to take a timeout and think before we act. We need to stop and smell the roses. There is a reason these sayings exist, and I struggle to live by them. To connect this to our shooting match, if we held our warrants tightly, and flew right by, but paused halfway through, maybe we could make stop madness from ensuing? But then I read Tyler's blog and I understand what pauses mean to him. And so, i think of pauses this way: it is a temporary stop that holds all the emotion in the world. It could mean excitment, anger, anxiety, fear. It is that moment on the tip of a rollercoaster... right before you speed out into oblivion you sit atop the world and realize you can almost fly. That is a pause. And while I have to go back and finish two blogs, I leave you, my favorite class in Auburn, with these parting words.
Thank you for inspiring me everyday. And, though we may never speak again, your teachings will guide me further than you'll ever know. Each of you have written something that I now carry with me. Thank you for being you and letting your true selves bleed into this blog.
PAUSE I associate pauses as the calm before the storm. Whether the storm be large, small, beautiful, or devastating, there is always a sense of peace before it. What are we to make of these moments – these peaceful moments in which we pause before something happens? These pauses may be small and seemingly insignificant like the pause after you see that cop and you know that there is no way that you can get out of the ticket that he is about to present you with. However, let me add that this is not an insignificant pause because it may be your last pause once (in my case) mom and dad find out about your encounter with Mr. Policeman. Other pauses, though, are seen as significant to almost everyone. Take, for example, the moment before your first child is born. Though I have not experienced this yet, I am sure that there is a pause in which you are bracing yourself for the dramatic ways in which your life is about to change forever.
I agree with the idea seen in some of my classmates’ posts that we have a hard time slowing down as a society. We hardly ever pause, and that really is a shame. Think about all that we miss because we don’t take the time to slow down and notice all of the small things in life. For example, how often do you think the majority of parents sit down and play board games with their small children? (Not that they don’t want to, life has just become too crazy to even think about slowing down and doing things like playing board games). I hear it from my students all the time. Most of them don’t even remember the last time they sat down with their family at night to eat dinner together? Who is to blame? Who really knows? All I can say is that it is these moments, the moments that many miss out on because they refuse to put their busy lives on pause, that people will look back and wish they had when they are older and look back over their lives.
I can completely relate to LaurnJiffo’s post when it talks about pausing before you speak. This is something that I have always had a problem with, and I’m sure that it will continue to be a problem for me for the rest of my life. I know that it would be beneficial for me to stop and think about what I say before I say it, but sometimes I just don’t have that kind of control.
AUDIENCE I still remember the comment Dr. PD made in class about how we write to make ourselves look better.
Catherine Wright really discusses this in her blog, making me think about this topic even more. I know for me, even at the beginning of this class, I was (and still am) very nervous about others reading my writing. To put it simply, an audience scares me.
I think this relates back to Lauren Jiffo’s comment about how an audience is there to judge. I don’t like to be judged, never have. I guess my fear of judgment as well as the fear of rejection has always kept me from sharing my writing with others. In my eyes it has always been easier for me to keep my writing to myself. This class, especially the blogging, has really allowed me to open up. Not to say that I don’t still fear others reading my writing, but I am much more comfortable with it than I was before. My writing experience in this class is one that I will never forget because it made me realize that my writing actually matters, and is worth sharing.
Whew, as I said previously... I am NO good at pauses of any shape or form. Sometimes I pause for entirely too long, sometimes not long enough. I guess I'm not a good judge of appropriateness in any aspect of my life, but I think it makes me a little more interesting at the very least. I wish there was some type of happy medium to figuring out the pause. The good thing about them is that they totally provide the calm before the storm... whether it be a great, summer afternoon thunderstorm, the kind you can nap right through... or a shit storm...
Audience:
Judgmental assholes, most of them-- though there are some good ones, who are there to really see you shine as an individual. I'm not trying to kiss your ass by any stretch of the imagination, but Dr. P, I think you're one of those who want to see us shine on our stage. Each act is a piece of writing we've done and the compilation is the entire scene. Sometimes it really all is an act, to impress the audience-- you aren't allowed to be yourself and inject yourself into things because of guidelines and rules and other stupid BS things of that nature... audience is scary.
couldn't have that any better myself... Play on playa, its fun when they're finally in the palm of your hand and you don't give a shit.
I am still finding myself reaching for that Blackberry and hoping that's its going to be him. But even in these 5 short weeks, I find myself caring less and less if he wants to talk to me or not. He's a little flaky for my taste anyway...as I say that I hear the ever too familiar zzzzz zzzzz and of course, it's him. Boys always want what they can't have, don't they? But instead of taking that pause to wonder about what witty thing I am going to say in response to him, I chose to put my phone back down. I don't care to talk right now, so I'm not going to. Let him wonder what I'm doing or what I'm thinking... Wow, I am really growing up and learning to play the game.
I’ve stopped myself halfway through reading my initial response on pauses. I can’t decide if it is because I’m a little disgusted of the prim and properness of what I was trying to say or the lack of realness that I was unaware that I was capable of (maybe I wasn’t capable of real writing then). Either way I wish I had taken a second to pause there and strip down neked and show you what I was working with before everyone else got neked with their writing too. I know I’ve grown a lot through this process, but I cant help but think of the potentiality of where I could have ended up by now if I just hadn’t been so resistant to let loose then. Live and learn, right? But one thing about my original post stays the same.
Pauses are revelational.
They didn’t teach us something or make us realize something else. A magnified scope of our circumstances. That moment that started this all between the slice and the blood. Doesn’t seem like something to pay that much attention to…everyone has had a cut, but what happens when we pause?— we’re reminded that we are human and we do, in fact, bleed. Like this pause now…I’m bleeding. I’ve paused to notice that moment between the first cut towards new growth and the unstoppable spillage of reality in my writing, which brings me here.
As for audience…what gives. It doesn’t matter. If I put my heart on paper, then I’ve done my job. Wish I hadn’t hit backspace so many times…
A pause is awkward. It's a silent stop that hangs, it is the inevitble sinking in. Like a punchline to a joke, timing is everything. It is all about time, the pause that is (comedy too). I like to think over the course of the semester I have become better at the build up in my writing, the bit before the pause before the punchline. I think that is because I have gained a lot more confidence in my voice since the semester (if you can call it a semester). I think the pause is what sets up the poetic/emotional part of the piece. You can make your ending glancing, epiphanic, beautiful, etc. depending on how you pause-it will work if you write with confidence-. If you are confident in yourself, in your voice I will be sold.
Also, I think it is interesting what we remember during traumatic events; for example a friend of mine told me about how his parents got into a heated argument at Cracker Barrell and how he could only focus on the pancakes he was eating (his parents later divorced and now he can't stomach going to Cracker Barrell); or when you get in a car wreck you don't remember totally what happened that led to the crash but you do remember what song was playing through your shitty iPod (do you have to spell it with a capitalized "P" to spell it correctly?) transmitter (Whiskey on a Sunday-Flogging Molly). These moments the pancakes and the pods, they are the moments that exist in the pause universe. Like a shadow moving into darkness, it's there, it is memorable and then it is gone, almost as quickly as it came. If you can handle that metaphor.
Pauses In my first post I talked about pauses as a reminder of how out of control our lives really are. I’m going to be honest, I just started writing. And that morphed into me starting to playing devil’s advocate (a secret hobby of mine). I had read several posts about how people use pauses to stay, or feel more, in control. I wanted to argue. Show another side. Just be a little different. And then… I found myself not just arguing another side, but actually believing in the words I was writing. I had started writing crap and it morphed into something… usable. Not beautiful writing, but it had the flavoring of truth. (Dr. P was already working her magic)
So what do I think of pauses now? I think that they are a moment you use to get control. And a moment when you have absolutely no control. A moment when your true self is revealed. And a moment when you decided to hide your true self behind a pleasant, appealing façade. Something we lack in our consumer-based lives. Something that people indulge in too often. Good or bad. Right or wrong. All these were things people said about pauses and I agree. A pause isn’t one thing. No, a pause is simply it what you make of it. (I still think the pauses of no control are the most fun though)
Audience I used to hate the idea of an audience, which is funny being an English Ed major and all. Granted I had practice in front of an audience, but it’s a lot different when you’re up on a brightly-lit stage, in front darkened rows of seats, doing choreography that you have practiced more times then you can count. It’s called autopilot. Typically, me and audiences do not a have a good relationship. Public speaking? Not sure how I even made it through that class, I was so terrified. And yet I want to be a teacher. I want to stand up in front of audiences all day long and try to teach them something (oh goodness I must be mental).
I started out looking at this class as another potentially judging audience. We have to do what?! Post replies… to blogs… about nonacademic stuff… where everyone else can see them? Are you nuts? I swear that’s what went through my head the first day of class. And to be honest I almost dropped at the thought of the audience I was going to have for my writing.
But I decided to stick with it, and I found that my audience shifted. It wasn’t so much about who was reading it, but instead about how I felt about my writing. Was it what I wanted to say? Was it TRUE? I quit trying to make writing pretty and started to enjoy the ugly parts. Screw the audience, I started writing for me.
Pauses: When I first wrote this blog post 5 weeks ago I wrote about moments in life that required pauses or how pauses affected our lives and our personalities...well now I have realized some new types of pauses that Dr. P has taught us.
Dashes, ellipsis, footnotes, style, etc. These are the types of pauses I gradually started using in my blogs and my papers. These pauses affect our audience and hold more power than we know. Pauses are a place to take risk and create your own style. It makes your reader stop and think...why did the author pause here? What is the larger purpose here?
Audience: 5 weeks ago I wrote about facebook and twitter and trying to please your friends through your status updates. In terms of writing I've learned that your ultimate goal when writing anything is to have your audience in mind.
Almond always had his audience in mind. Not everyone was going to like him or agree with him, but he still wrote for his audience and took risk and was very forward with the world. He didn't try to bullshit and paint a perfect picture so that everyone who read his books or listened to him speak would think he was awesome and great guy...no he wrote to be 'real'.
Damnit. I dont know how, but my post for this blog wound upon the "All Things Almond" posting page. Computers confuse me. Back when Al Gore invented computers I dont think he foresaw me having the wrong post show up on the wrong topic for my English final. Thats why he didnt get my vote in the 2000 presidential election. So I guess I'll post my response to the Almond topic on this page. My stance on Almond has softened after finishing the book. When I posted on that topic for the first time I thought that he was just a smartass who knew how to play to a crowd. He was no better than an average street performer to me. But then at the end of his book he started to show some real emotion and talk about stuff that didnt seem staged or just plain silly. He showed that what we were reading really was him, he wasnt holding anything back. After I got to that point of the book and listened to my heart like Roxxane I went back and reread some passages that I thought I would like a little more if I felt like he was being honest and not playing a character and I found that the entire book is a lot funnier and real if you arent a cynical dickhead
Pauses:
ReplyDeleteI don’t like pauses. Sometimes I refuse to take them. Like right now, I am sitting here watching Lost on Netflix and trying to type this. I am not willing to give up one or the other. I refuse to pause. I feel like I must cram as much as possible into my life. No time for pauses. No time for thinking. I just gotta do. I always say that I am a dooer and not a thinker. That I hate taking too long to think about something. To think about the consequences and what could happen. I just like to get things done. To check things off my to-do list.
But, right there on the other hand. Sometimes I take too many pauses. Sometimes I lay in bed all day and watch t.v.. I take a really long pause, if you will. I don’t figure there is anything wrong with these pauses. Maybe there is. Maybe I am wasting my precious time here on earth by taking these too long pauses. Guess I will never know. Guess it really doesn’t matter. I intend to continue these pauses cause a lot of really good stuff happens in them.
Now, about those little pauses. The ones that seem so insignificant. I think some of them are important and some of them aren’t. Some of them are useful. Some of them I use to collect my thoughts. To breathe. Some of them I use to take in the good moments. A few seconds to to let the thoughts register. To realize how great what I am experiencing is. But that works the other way too. Some of the pauses I use to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To realize exactly how bad things are.
Audience:
Ferrell made a really good point in her original blog. Writing for an audience is scary. Not scary because I might make a bad grade, but scary because people might reject me. If someone doesn’t like what I write, it is a personal dig at me. It hurts. Even when I don’t put my best into my writing, I still take it personally when someone doesn’t like it, because it means those someones don’t like me. It’s not like having a conversation where the person I am talking to doesn’t agree with me. In this case, I can take it back, can make it better, can change my words real quick and defend myself. But writing is different. I have had time to think about it. Time to choose my words carefully in order to paint the picture that I want to paint. I can’t take those words back as easily. So, it’s scary. No one likes to be rejected. Rejection hurts and I can’t deal with it.
Audience
ReplyDeleteThat thing I want nothing to do with, yet, that very same thing which I crave. Audience is my Krokodil. I’m that Russian junkie shooting up morphine’s nasty cousin; well aware of how it will eat my flesh. My skin rots. My muscle is exposed. Bare bone isn’t long behind.
Audience is a wild and crazy thing to this kid; it pulls me out of my shell or forces me even deeper inside. All depends on the time. The place. But most importantly what’s on my mind. Audiences horrify me, validate me, undress me, and swaddle me like baby Jesus come fresh into the world. That’s how the term started, that’s how it ended. I’m a little more comfortable with the concept of being observed and read and seen and heard, but I’m not quite ready to wield the power of the watching eyes.
Pause
This term, nah, this whole past year has been a big ole’ pause for me. I have accomplished almost 0% of what I set out to do with this time in my life. This pause world has been interesting, entertaining, informative, and eye-opening though. I likely needed it, a big break from living. A long time thinking. The great big think is what I’ll regard this juncture as. I did place first in my own mental Olympics. The problem with that was- I was the only competitor and the only person in the audience.
Pauses:
ReplyDeleteHave you ever been around a child lately and when they want to stop something suddenly they cry out "Pause" or "time out" as if life could be played as a video game, or a game in general. It's a strange thought that life could just pause, as if you could take a moment out of the linearity of time to fix or get away from what is overwhelming you at the time. It is a nice idea, but no such pause button exist in life. Maybe this is where the technological age is heading, where you can hide behind a screen and almost pause time, just by leaving the screen. Life isn't experienced in real time anymore, more of an idea of time that can always be adjusted to your liking. You don't have to have a real conversation anymore, you can type it out and control exactly what you say to people and how you want to sound. Your personality is not experienced in the real world, by your faults and everything, but by how you want to present yourself to the world, such as a facebook page. ANd a fb page can act as a sort of penultimate pause in this day, where you are constantly shown in the stasis of personality perfection, stuck in an image of your own creating, but which also represents very little of what you actually are, merely what you want to be seen as. It is a weird dream world, where people are well-rounded and not messy as they should be. A constant pause button on your life, where you decide when and where more is added, or even deleted for that matter.
Audience:
I've been watching my friend try his hand at stand-up comedy lately. HE is a very funny person, and I think his schtick is good. But either way most times I've seen him in front of a crowd he has been recieved very poorly, along with other begining comedians. The audience is either too drunk and loud to pay proper attention to what he's saying, or they just don't seem to understand what he is trying to present to them. I always get it, which may be because I'm his friend, but I like to think it is more than that. I like to think that the audience just doesn't get it and they'd rather someone louder and quicker were onstage, that could hold such a drunk atmosphere's attention. But should he change his act and personality just because these people don't get it? Would another audience react better? How do you rectify an audience not digging what you're doing and what you personally want to invest in whatever artistic form you have chosen? How much is comercial value held over truth in the end? I suppose it really is just a personal thing.
Pause:
ReplyDeleteMy initial response to this post portrayed a pause as a wall between me and everything else, holding off the bad so I could at least hope for the good.
Goodness...a little pessimistic, Kristin.
But I’ve discovered a new kind of pause. I’ve adopted what I’ll call the reality-check pause.
Reality-Check Pause (n.) – A moment of evaluation in which the writer examines a completed sentence, paragraph, or essay and asks his or her self whether or not he or she has actually said anything real, honest, true, or worth reading.
This pause has done so much for my writing. I don’t just write to fill space anymore – I don’t even just write to say what I want to say. No, my focus has changed. My purpose isn’t the transfer of words, of ideas. My purpose is to take something (idea, memory, value) that truly means something to me, and to convey it in such a way that it truly means something to someone else.
It’s not easy. But it’s worth pausing for.
Audience:
“Be yourself, write what you feel. Write what you think, write who you are and I believe your writing will find it's appropriate audience.” I like this quote from C. Daniel McFadden. That’s where I’m trying to get to I guess.
“An ending is just a way to check out without leaving loose ends. But, who says ends can’t be loose?” That was my take on pretty little bows at the beginning of the semester.
I don’t know.
I guess I still feel this way, because as a writer I don’t think you can rely on your ending. I think it’s all the stuff that gets you there that’s the most honest and true. I’ve found that the ending tends to be where I get showy – I want it to be just right, leave just the right mark, sound just philosophical enough. But, who needs showiness? I’m so tired of reading mine. This class has been a breath of fresh air – I feel so purified of all my flowery-for-the-sake-of-being-flowery language. An ending is just an ending.
The end.
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ReplyDeleteI guess the older I get the more sentimental I get. I find myself pausing to look at my old yearbooks. Wow I wonder what happen to him? SHM. He hasn't changed a bit still jiving lol....oh...I wish I would of talked to her. She seemed like a nice girl. By looking at the old yearbooks I take a brief pause to remember the good, the bad, and the shonuff ugly of high school. But its also interesting to think how I have changed. A lot has changed since 2007. Back then I was obssed with, getting a girlfriend and trying to get good grades were two of my main focus. Getting good grades is still a major focus but the girlfriend thing can't wait for now. I want to enjoy being single and all that it has to offer.
ReplyDeleteI guess I scared of the commitment. I know I don't want children right now. By pausing to look at the preivous blogs, I agree that pauses give us time to soak up the moment or add emphasis, or say something without actually saying it....but pauses also show our appreciation of something or someone For example, by pausing your giving something your attention. I think about pausing to say "good morning" or "I love you" to someone I care by. I could of kept on going my way and doing what I had to do. (eating, sleeping, heading to class, etc.) But by pausing to vocalize the "good morning or "I love you." I showed my appreciation for that random guy on the concourse or my mom and dad.
Pauses can help us stay grounded in the hetic pace of the world. I feel like we have microwave syndrome where we want things instantly and it is hard for us to have the patience to wait. Pauses do that. They make us wait.
and wait.
and wait.
for something profound, interesting, awkward, anbd something to appreciated.
Pauses
ReplyDeletePauses
I see how my first blog about pauses was my first attempt to please my audience (the class) and to make pauses sound like some miraculously overlooked part of daily life that are rainbows and sunsets. Not that I don’t still think that, but saying it the way that I did doesn’t seem as real as some of my other writing from these last few weeks. I really liked the connection Daniel made to the pause before a car crash, the moment your heart and stomach are in your throat before the collision. A less violent or harmful (cliché perhaps?) comparison might be the feeling at the top of a rollercoaster. The main difference being that the fear you feel at the top of the roller coaster is still a safe one because you’re strapped in tightly and there is no on-coming rollercoaster smashing into you at warp speed. Car crashes have the pause only when you know it’s coming (I’m quite familiar having been in five). Anticipation. And knowing the tear of a seatbelt and the sound of thrashing metal makes the wait all that much longer. The anticipated pauses are the ones to watch out for, which I guess we already do.
Audiences
Writers should always have their audience in mind and I think good writers recognize their audience. And these writers, like Almond, should also know when to through grammatical and mechanical courtesy out the window in order to bridge gaps between new audiences and skeptics. I don’t feel like Almond held me at arm’s length with his writing. He let me in. Writing academically, professors want us to dig deep with analysis and reach for a new boring idea. But I often only have a spoon to dig with so I am left inches below the surface. This class expected more out of me as a writer not only for myself, but for my audience. I have to write for them too because someone out there may see the spoon marks in the dirt and say ‘hey, I was there too.’
PAUSE
ReplyDeleteI don’t think I ever really understood the value of a well-placed pause. In a previous writing class, one of my professor’s most common criticisms about my poetry was that I should be more mindful of my line breaks. So I’d revise. While revising, most of the time I would just play around with the line breaks, but it was always hit or miss. I didn’t REALLY know what I was doing, or what she meant. But now I think I have a much better grasp on why it is line breaks are so important: the pause. In writing, forcing the reader to pause at a certain place is one of the most direct forms of communication between writer/reader. You force the words to linger, to hold onto time. And while the reader can make what he/she wants to make of your writing, you can force the reader to pause - pause and ponder your words at your own discretion.
AUDIENCE
Probably one of the biggest point-of-view changes for me since the class began. I think that the most important thing to consider while writing is yourself. Being honest with yourself. There probably will be times that you must write for a specific audience, so a few word-choice adjustments may be necessary, but the content should always represent you. I always thought it best to write for an audience (which makes me nervous and results in shit writing). But REAL writing can’t be made for an audience, rather, I want to write from my own honest perspective. And in being honest, hopefully what I write will find its appropriate audience.
I might pause for second to let an audience feel what I am saying. They most important writing technique (if it is possible to rank them) that I have learned in this class is writing without emotion.
ReplyDeleteI used to think spelling out emotion was the only way to convey to the reader the shit that has happened to me.
But then, wait. Take a pause--not the case.
Work against that idea. One of the most moving portions of Almond's book is when he finds out his child might be special. The way he writes what the nurse implies sent chills down my back. He gave me the power to have my own emotions. Without pausing, I felt with my own instincts. And it felt real. It felt heavy. I won't forget it. No pauses, just feeling.
I am still finding myself reaching for that Blackberry and hoping that's its going to be him. But even in these 5 short weeks, I find myself caring less and less if he wants to talk to me or not. He's a little flaky for my taste anyway...as I say that I hear the ever too familiar zzzzz zzzzz and of course, it's him. Boys always want what they can't have, don't they? But instead of taking that pause to wonder about what witty thing I am going to say in response to him, I chose to put my phone back down. I don't care to talk right now, so I'm not going to. Let him wonder what I'm doing or what I'm thinking... Wow, I am really growing up and learning to play the game.
ReplyDeleteThis game of waiting that I am playing with my special someone is a tool I am slowly learning to implement into my writing. Make my audience wonder what my response will be. Have them question what is going to happen next and wrap them up in the story. The traditional cat and mouse game put into writing... is it even possible?
Then I think about this 2nd paper we just wrote. The letter to ourselves...
Well, obviously I was the audience to this particular piece of writing. But when I was writing it, I had no plan of attack, I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And the mystery of where I was going to go next started to appear. I know for a fact, that if my 18 year old self had read that letter, I would have been flipping the pages faster than the first time I read Harry Potter. And to all the Potter fans, you know how nail biting the first read can be.
To wrap up this mombo jumbo, I realize that taking the pause to let my audience question what my reaction will be or leave my special someone wondering, is all part of the process. But even more, it's a part of me, and that part of me is now being let loose into my passion, my writing.
I remember writing this first blog. It was late, and I was tired and frustrated after a long night of work. I didn't pause, really. Not like I should have.
ReplyDeleteI should have given myself half a second to consider the frequently stamped down idea that I actually had something buried deep down there to say. I should have paused and considered that for the first time in my 21 years that I had THE perfect audience. This "motley crew" of english people, whose interests and concerns are perfectly on par with those I harbor. I can say I care, and I enjoy writing without getting snubbed by the biomedical science majors, looked down upon by the business majors, and scoffed at by the engineers. That I don't have to dumb down my vocabulary in an effort to come off as unpretentious and I can let the wit and swearing fly without facing adverse judgement of someone who STILL doesn't understand the difference between their, there, and they're. (I know it pisses you off too- and if it doesn't it should). I've finally paused and realized I should have never considered that audience in my writing to begin with- screw you, math majors- I never needed you anyway.
We are a unique little group, and we've got to stick together or we're never going to make it in this turbulent ocean of society. We're constantly getting the smack down: "what are you going to do with THAT major?"- well, lady, I don't know yet. But it's going to be cool.
So I pause, and appreciate this moment (or rather, lets go with "opportunity" here) where recognition of my audience becomes recognition of myself. And hey, I'm A.O.K. with that. Your audience becomes a forum for acceptance, rejection, and all the "eh" areas in-between. So write blindly, write to push, or write something velvety, but write for yourself above all.
PAUSE
ReplyDeleteI’ll always think before I talk, which is what I consider to be the greatest pause of all. Whether it’s to make sure the joke I’m about to say is hilarious or to make sure I’m not going to say anything about the Chinese when there is an Asian standing beside me…pauses make or break you. We all naturally think before we write, which is the main reason why it’s so hard for some of us to start a paper. We have gotten so use to pausing before writing that the dreaded writer’s block is imminent. The question is the time for a pause and when is it better to just start writing about crap? I’ve personally stopped pausing before writing, because I end up staring at the computer screen, drooling. When otherwise, I just write without thinking and something as brilliant as this comment pops out! Dr. P always tells us to “write crap” and it’s something that I’ve always heard and lived by. It’s so much easier to make something great out of crap, but when you have nothing on the page you’re lost in the white space.
AUDIENCE
I’ve also stopped giving a crap about my audience…sorry I don’t know if this was the point of the class, but instead of being so concerned about everything I’ve just decided to do what I want and let people think what they will. There are billions of people in the world and I’m sure one of them would like what I write. It just is too hard to think about everything: audience, pauses, warrants, sarcasm, wit, hilarity, emotion…when does it end? I guess this goes along with what my first comment said about no one can know who will be interested in their work, but that’s why I think it’s important to leave the audience to think what they will. It’s kind of counterproductive in over-thinking about your audience and what they would want. You inevitably end up losing yourself in exchange for the audience’s approval in all they really wanted was to hear your voice anyways. That’s what they liked about you.
Something Brittany M said hit home with me. She talked about how pauses can be mistaken for a lack of words or knowledge (I'm paraphrasing). It reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. He was always talking about intellect, and how smart he was, etc. He was a psych major... need I say more? He analyzed everything to the point of being obnoxious. I say all of that to lead into my point about pauses... you see, he would always have these "intelligent" conversations with people, and if someone paused he would assume that they were at a loss for words, or that they realized they were wrong. He thought this about me too.... he made me feel like I wasn't smart just because I couldn't come back with something he deemed intelligent on command. It was frustrating to say the least. Though these pauses get a negative connotation from instances similar to this one, I actually think they are good. You should pause before you speak. Collect your thoughts first, then what you say is clearer, and probably smarter. Pauses are good for a lot of other things besides conversations too.... like that pause before you kiss someone, you know the moment you look at each other and decide to kiss... priceless. It's that moment where you can make a decision, collect yourself, fall in love, anything. Pauses can and are many things... many good things.
ReplyDeleteAudiences
I've always been told that audience is crucial when writing anything. I don't believe that anymore. I think that whatever you write is intended for someone, whether you specify who it is or not. You can write for you. I recently learned that I can use writing to get things out that I couldn't tell people in person. Sometimes you just have to write for you. And sometimes that's the best writing... the kind you do for yourself.
Pauses suck.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Because in that moment in between so much is unknown. The pause between hearing your phone ring and looking down at the caller ID is possibly the most unnerving. Like Catherine, my heart also jumps into my throat when I hear that “zzzz zzzz” of an incoming text message. Is it him? Part of me wants it to be…the other part really, really doesn’t.
I am an instant gratification type girl. I hate lingering in the unknown. Even the moment in between songs when my ipod is on shuffle irritates me. What’s next? I always want to know.
I think it is because I get comfortable in moment and I can become comfortable in the next moment. The transitions are where I wig out. I guess the hardest part about change is the changing.
I am going to confess……………………………………………………………..I didn’t blog on this one the first time around.
Look. I used a pause. I bet you thought it was going to be some deep dark secret revealed. Sucker.
Pauses seem to me as a break, a relatively small amount of time that you set aside for the reader to insert their own emotion. Personally throughout this course I’ve learned that pauses are something that force us to take a breath that make us realize the relevance of certain situations.
ReplyDeleteToday I experienced a very special pause… one that made me realize how lucky I truly was. I took my wife to get an ultrasound performed on her this afternoon; we had been nervous all day wondering if the pregnancy would be another blighted ovum (an empty sack). When the doctor ran the paddle across her belly there was nothing…. Not even a sack on the monitor. The doctor’s face was furled in confusion, where the hell was it?? So she tried another type of ultrasound… One that was more intrusive… Still no bubble… no baby.
Then slowly a bubble forms on the grainy black and white screen.
I see my wife’s face begin to glow as it becomes apparent that a heart is beating within the bubble. The bubble houses a tiny bean with flippers… I call it my dolphin baby. This is what pauses are supposed to be, empty spaces of time filled with anxiousness or some other overwhelming emotion or feeling.
After re-visiting my blog as well as several others, I now realize that pauses are great, yet messy. Rachel made valid points on how pauses are often brought about in moments of chaos. Should I choose the red skirt or the strapless blue dress? Do I choose healthy green beans or cheesy, fattening macaroni. We pause in these situations to try and make sense of it all.
ReplyDeleteI also realized there's another type of pause. Ya know the one, it's that awkward silence when there should be chatter. What the hell is up with that? You fill that void by laughing out loud in a chorus of people after realizing that no one truly knows what they are laughing about. Totally awkward. Why do we do this? Is it some weird, subconscious act that all humans encounter in nervous moments? All i know is it's real and it happens to me almost five times a day................................ See what'd I tell ya :)
I firmly believe we have a love/hate relationship. Pauses, you little devils. Lurking around, just waiting for someone to use you. Oh well, keeps you busy.
The day after I posted this blog, I thought of a certain pause I should have mentioned and didn't. It's played (or currently is playing) a rather large role in my life. So may my final blog here be dedicated to it. Or rather, her.
ReplyDeleteI came to Auburn knowing a few people and one group of family here, but no close friends. As most of you know, changes like that are almost the scariest aspect of life, and I was looking to find some comfort so far away from the home I longed to get away from but secretly and desperately missed. And there she was. No angel. No saint. No touchy-feely hugger who held me when I missed my momma (not literally anyway.) And no outspoken, inspirationally riveting advice giver. Just a friend of a friend. A curly-headed, green-eyed girl from a farm town back home known for their tomatoes. Not much money. And not much luck. But so much heart it would burst open through her shirt and spew down the side walk sharing itself with everyone within spraying distance. If only she’d let it. I never was lucky or deserving enough to get sprayed, but she did let me glimpse the enormity of that pulsating thing that keeps her blood flowing and her body living. And I’m forever blessed.
What do pauses have to do with her? She is one. She’s awkward, often quiet, shy, tender-hearted, and sometimes naïve. There always were and probably always will be a million and one pauses in our conversations per day. And although we are both awkward in our ways of introverted-ness, what may seem like a throat-wrenching, word-searching, wishing I could run from here pause, is completely normal to us. In the silence, I understand her and she understands me. We have ridden many two and a half hour drives home together without saying much, but saying it all. I know her heart, and she mine. And when a pause finds itself between us, we’re merely reflecting on what that heart wishes it could say and doesn’t. It lets the pause say it instead.
Many are the words that pause spoken. Sentiments like:
“I’m sorry your Dad is ruining your life. I know how you feel.”
“I’m sorry you and your boyfriend of three years broke up today. I’ll stand by you when it hurts so badly you wanna rip that beautiful heart out.”
“I feel real bad your granddaddy died, and I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. But I’ll be right here.”
“I know no one gets you, and I understand that.”
“It’s okay to cry with me. I won’t tell.”
“I love you, even though I don’t like to say it out loud.”
And those pauses have given more comfort than I ever could have hoped for two hundred miles from home. She was my momma’s arms when hers wouldn’t reach. And I never realized just how much I treasured our relationship until reading that in this blog of my own. She’s my best friend. And the most beautiful pause I’ve ever known.
As I was reading the posts, Grafft’s post caught my attention. He said, “Pauses represent those brief moments when our mind needs a break.” So true. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to spit out all of my thoughts at once that it doesn’t come out correctly. And many times it doesn’t make sense. So, I need to pause and let my brain rest. It needs to take a breather just like I do after walking up three flights of stairs in Haley center (I’m not in as good of shape as I was two years ago before arriving at Auburn). Pausing helps me to collect my thoughts and analyze what I need to say. Always pause and think before you speak…which is something I’m still working on. (I’ve gotten much better, though ).
ReplyDeleteAudiences are everywhere, whether we realize it or not. I am the audience or I am watching other people. I like to be the one watching others because I tend to like to stay out of the limelight. It’s more enjoyable for me to observe others, especially at a bar because I’m usually not the one drunk off my ass in public. Have you ever noticed those people who go to the beach and just sit on the balcony? You are their audience floundering around in the ocean…getting pummeled by waves...trying to get sand out of your swimsuit. When I was in P.C. last month, I noticed these people, and sometimes I was one of these people. They made for an amusing show while I took a break from being the viewed to being the viewer in order to eat lunch on the balcony.
AlyFonk you had me laughing out loud. I, too, skirted our responsibilities (I'm sure there was something important going on at the time...)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, pauses always remind me of Saved By The Bell. Zack Morris. What a hottie. But he always paused the conversation to talk to the audience. It is in these pauses that we "saw" his personality and his reality come out in the show. He was trying to get us on his side and to make us identify with him. Pausing in writing can be like that. we bring something up, pause the subject, go on to something else, bring it back up, etc. only to make people understand our side.
In life, pauses can be excruciating or deeply needed. There is no inbetween. In ridiculously long pauses I find the jeapordy theme playing in my head... doo do doo do doo do doo do doo do do do doooo do do do do do. We need to take a timeout and think before we act. We need to stop and smell the roses. There is a reason these sayings exist, and I struggle to live by them. To connect this to our shooting match, if we held our warrants tightly, and flew right by, but paused halfway through, maybe we could make stop madness from ensuing? But then I read Tyler's blog and I understand what pauses mean to him. And so, i think of pauses this way:
it is a temporary stop that holds all the emotion in the world. It could mean excitment, anger, anxiety, fear. It is that moment on the tip of a rollercoaster... right before you speed out into oblivion you sit atop the world and realize you can almost fly. That is a pause. And while I have to go back and finish two blogs, I leave you, my favorite class in Auburn, with these parting words.
Thank you for inspiring me everyday. And, though we may never speak again, your teachings will guide me further than you'll ever know. Each of you have written something that I now carry with me. Thank you for being you and letting your true selves bleed into this blog.
PAUSE
ReplyDeleteI associate pauses as the calm before the storm. Whether the storm be large, small, beautiful, or devastating, there is always a sense of peace before it. What are we to make of these moments – these peaceful moments in which we pause before something happens? These pauses may be small and seemingly insignificant like the pause after you see that cop and you know that there is no way that you can get out of the ticket that he is about to present you with. However, let me add that this is not an insignificant pause because it may be your last pause once (in my case) mom and dad find out about your encounter with Mr. Policeman. Other pauses, though, are seen as significant to almost everyone. Take, for example, the moment before your first child is born. Though I have not experienced this yet, I am sure that there is a pause in which you are bracing yourself for the dramatic ways in which your life is about to change forever.
I agree with the idea seen in some of my classmates’ posts that we have a hard time slowing down as a society. We hardly ever pause, and that really is a shame. Think about all that we miss because we don’t take the time to slow down and notice all of the small things in life. For example, how often do you think the majority of parents sit down and play board games with their small children? (Not that they don’t want to, life has just become too crazy to even think about slowing down and doing things like playing board games). I hear it from my students all the time. Most of them don’t even remember the last time they sat down with their family at night to eat dinner together? Who is to blame? Who really knows? All I can say is that it is these moments, the moments that many miss out on because they refuse to put their busy lives on pause, that people will look back and wish they had when they are older and look back over their lives.
I can completely relate to LaurnJiffo’s post when it talks about pausing before you speak. This is something that I have always had a problem with, and I’m sure that it will continue to be a problem for me for the rest of my life. I know that it would be beneficial for me to stop and think about what I say before I say it, but sometimes I just don’t have that kind of control.
AUDIENCE
I still remember the comment Dr. PD made in class about how we write to make ourselves look better.
Catherine Wright really discusses this in her blog, making me think about this topic even more. I know for me, even at the beginning of this class, I was (and still am) very nervous about others reading my writing. To put it simply, an audience scares me.
I think this relates back to Lauren Jiffo’s comment about how an audience is there to judge. I don’t like to be judged, never have. I guess my fear of judgment as well as the fear of rejection has always kept me from sharing my writing with others. In my eyes it has always been easier for me to keep my writing to myself. This class, especially the blogging, has really allowed me to open up. Not to say that I don’t still fear others reading my writing, but I am much more comfortable with it than I was before. My writing experience in this class is one that I will never forget because it made me realize that my writing actually matters, and is worth sharing.
Pauses:
ReplyDeleteWhew, as I said previously... I am NO good at pauses of any shape or form. Sometimes I pause for entirely too long, sometimes not long enough. I guess I'm not a good judge of appropriateness in any aspect of my life, but I think it makes me a little more interesting at the very least. I wish there was some type of happy medium to figuring out the pause. The good thing about them is that they totally provide the calm before the storm... whether it be a great, summer afternoon thunderstorm, the kind you can nap right through... or a shit storm...
Audience:
Judgmental assholes, most of them-- though there are some good ones, who are there to really see you shine as an individual. I'm not trying to kiss your ass by any stretch of the imagination, but Dr. P, I think you're one of those who want to see us shine on our stage. Each act is a piece of writing we've done and the compilation is the entire scene. Sometimes it really all is an act, to impress the audience-- you aren't allowed to be yourself and inject yourself into things because of guidelines and rules and other stupid BS things of that nature... audience is scary.
@Catherine Wright
ReplyDeletecouldn't have that any better myself... Play on playa, its fun when they're finally in the palm of your hand and you don't give a shit.
I am still finding myself reaching for that Blackberry and hoping that's its going to be him. But even in these 5 short weeks, I find myself caring less and less if he wants to talk to me or not. He's a little flaky for my taste anyway...as I say that I hear the ever too familiar zzzzz zzzzz and of course, it's him. Boys always want what they can't have, don't they? But instead of taking that pause to wonder about what witty thing I am going to say in response to him, I chose to put my phone back down. I don't care to talk right now, so I'm not going to. Let him wonder what I'm doing or what I'm thinking... Wow, I am really growing up and learning to play the game.
I’ve stopped myself halfway through reading my initial response on pauses. I can’t decide if it is because I’m a little disgusted of the prim and properness of what I was trying to say or the lack of realness that I was unaware that I was capable of (maybe I wasn’t capable of real writing then). Either way I wish I had taken a second to pause there and strip down neked and show you what I was working with before everyone else got neked with their writing too. I know I’ve grown a lot through this process, but I cant help but think of the potentiality of where I could have ended up by now if I just hadn’t been so resistant to let loose then. Live and learn, right? But one thing about my original post stays the same.
ReplyDeletePauses are revelational.
They didn’t teach us something or make us realize something else. A magnified scope of our circumstances. That moment that started this all between the slice and the blood. Doesn’t seem like something to pay that much attention to…everyone has had a cut, but what happens when we pause?— we’re reminded that we are human and we do, in fact, bleed. Like this pause now…I’m bleeding. I’ve paused to notice that moment between the first cut towards new growth and the unstoppable spillage of reality in my writing, which brings me here.
As for audience…what gives. It doesn’t matter. If I put my heart on paper, then I’ve done my job. Wish I hadn’t hit backspace so many times…
A pause is awkward. It's a silent stop that hangs, it is the inevitble sinking in. Like a punchline to a joke, timing is everything. It is all about time, the pause that is (comedy too). I like to think over the course of the semester I have become better at the build up in my writing, the bit before the pause before the punchline. I think that is because I have gained a lot more confidence in my voice since the semester (if you can call it a semester). I think the pause is what sets up the poetic/emotional part of the piece. You can make your ending glancing, epiphanic, beautiful, etc. depending on how you pause-it will work if you write with confidence-. If you are confident in yourself, in your voice I will be sold.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm positive others will be too.
Also, I think it is interesting what we remember during traumatic events; for example a friend of mine told me about how his parents got into a heated argument at Cracker Barrell and how he could only focus on the pancakes he was eating (his parents later divorced and now he can't stomach going to Cracker Barrell); or when you get in a car wreck you don't remember totally what happened that led to the crash but you do remember what song was playing through your shitty iPod (do you have to spell it with a capitalized "P" to spell it correctly?) transmitter (Whiskey on a Sunday-Flogging Molly). These moments the pancakes and the pods, they are the moments that exist in the pause universe. Like a shadow moving into darkness, it's there, it is memorable and then it is gone, almost as quickly as it came. If you can handle that metaphor.
ReplyDeletePauses
ReplyDeleteIn my first post I talked about pauses as a reminder of how out of control our lives really are. I’m going to be honest, I just started writing. And that morphed into me starting to playing devil’s advocate (a secret hobby of mine). I had read several posts about how people use pauses to stay, or feel more, in control. I wanted to argue. Show another side. Just be a little different. And then… I found myself not just arguing another side, but actually believing in the words I was writing. I had started writing crap and it morphed into something… usable. Not beautiful writing, but it had the flavoring of truth. (Dr. P was already working her magic)
So what do I think of pauses now? I think that they are a moment you use to get control. And a moment when you have absolutely no control. A moment when your true self is revealed. And a moment when you decided to hide your true self behind a pleasant, appealing façade. Something we lack in our consumer-based lives. Something that people indulge in too often. Good or bad. Right or wrong. All these were things people said about pauses and I agree. A pause isn’t one thing. No, a pause is simply it what you make of it. (I still think the pauses of no control are the most fun though)
Audience
I used to hate the idea of an audience, which is funny being an English Ed major and all. Granted I had practice in front of an audience, but it’s a lot different when you’re up on a brightly-lit stage, in front darkened rows of seats, doing choreography that you have practiced more times then you can count. It’s called autopilot. Typically, me and audiences do not a have a good relationship. Public speaking? Not sure how I even made it through that class, I was so terrified. And yet I want to be a teacher. I want to stand up in front of audiences all day long and try to teach them something (oh goodness I must be mental).
I started out looking at this class as another potentially judging audience. We have to do what?! Post replies… to blogs… about nonacademic stuff… where everyone else can see them? Are you nuts? I swear that’s what went through my head the first day of class. And to be honest I almost dropped at the thought of the audience I was going to have for my writing.
But I decided to stick with it, and I found that my audience shifted. It wasn’t so much about who was reading it, but instead about how I felt about my writing. Was it what I wanted to say? Was it TRUE? I quit trying to make writing pretty and started to enjoy the ugly parts. Screw the audience, I started writing for me.
Pauses:
ReplyDeleteWhen I first wrote this blog post 5 weeks ago I wrote about moments in life that required pauses or how pauses affected our lives and our personalities...well now I have realized some new types of pauses that Dr. P has taught us.
Dashes, ellipsis, footnotes, style, etc. These are the types of pauses I gradually started using in my blogs and my papers. These pauses affect our audience and hold more power than we know. Pauses are a place to take risk and create your own style. It makes your reader stop and think...why did the author pause here? What is the larger purpose here?
Audience:
5 weeks ago I wrote about facebook and twitter and trying to please your friends through your status updates. In terms of writing I've learned that your ultimate goal when writing anything is to have your audience in mind.
Almond always had his audience in mind. Not everyone was going to like him or agree with him, but he still wrote for his audience and took risk and was very forward with the world. He didn't try to bullshit and paint a perfect picture so that everyone who read his books or listened to him speak would think he was awesome and great guy...no he wrote to be 'real'.
Damnit. I dont know how, but my post for this blog wound upon the "All Things Almond" posting page. Computers confuse me. Back when Al Gore invented computers I dont think he foresaw me having the wrong post show up on the wrong topic for my English final. Thats why he didnt get my vote in the 2000 presidential election. So I guess I'll post my response to the Almond topic on this page.
ReplyDeleteMy stance on Almond has softened after finishing the book. When I posted on that topic for the first time I thought that he was just a smartass who knew how to play to a crowd. He was no better than an average street performer to me. But then at the end of his book he started to show some real emotion and talk about stuff that didnt seem staged or just plain silly. He showed that what we were reading really was him, he wasnt holding anything back. After I got to that point of the book and listened to my heart like Roxxane I went back and reread some passages that I thought I would like a little more if I felt like he was being honest and not playing a character and I found that the entire book is a lot funnier and real if you arent a cynical dickhead